When to speak out, when to step back, and when to call it a day.
BUYER BEWARE
Q: I discovered that the owner of a local business I frequent has been posting racist and homophobic “jokes” online to a private Facebook group. How do I alert other neighbors – or even should I? Seems wrong to look the other way while he enjoys community support from people he is ridiculing.
A: Anything posted to social media should be expected to go public. Despite it being a “private” group. Business owners, especially, have to realize that they are public personas in their community. Anything they say or do could be put in the public light.
What you do about these posts is your decision. Many consumers use their dollars to shop their values. They would like to know if a business owner is openly racist and homophobic and would find an alternative. However, I would suggest that you approach this “cancel culture” with some care. Instead of seeing a business labeled as racist or homophobic, produce the evidence of the jokes so that readers could make judgment on their own. For instance, use ***s to obscure any harmful words, if they are being used, so that you are not participating in the behavior. Or paraphrase the gist of the joke. Let consumers make their own determination of how they will respond to the behavior. BTW, grab screen shots of the owner’s posts because they will likely disappear as soon as they go public.
RESTROOM REALITY CHECK
Q: My child’s private school has implemented gender-neutral bathrooms for grades as young as kindergarten, which I strongly disagree with. How do I handle this? As a parent, I don’t want my child forced into uncomfortable situations.
A: The uncomfortable situation will exist here only if you insist on highlighting it. Children are flexible and will adjust to what is around them. They will go where the school guides them. There is nothing inherently wrong with a gender neutral bathroom – in fact, every home in the US has one. Many European countries have public restrooms at rest stops and restaurants without labels. Just do your business and move on. If you don’t make an issue of it, your child will never notice.
If gender-labeled bathrooms are that important to you, find another school that aligns more closely with your values and priorities. I would urge you, however, to think about the children who are being given a space to feel comfortable in. Some children, who do not fit in the boy/girl bathroom choice, avoid going to the bathroom at school and getting infections as a result. The lack of a comfortable restroom may give them stress, anxiety, or depression. Please consider making room in your heart for these children as they navigate their place in the world.
LET IT GO
Q: I live across from a local park the whole community enjoys, including many children. Recently, a couple has started coming out on weekends to picnic with a bottle of wine, in full sight of the families spending time here. When I politely advised them alcohol wasn’t allowed in public parks, they laughed me off. What should I do now? I feel like 911 might be overkill.
A: Karen, give it a rest. 911 is for emergencies; please let the police work on their real business. This couple is causing no harm. Children see people drink at public events, sidewalk restaurants, and perhaps, even at home. You have done what is within the parameters of the rules and your values. The couple now knows that they might get a ticket from authorities for violating the park rules. You should not fight with them or escalate the situation. I would say the same thing, if they were violating some other park rule that is not causing injury to people or the park itself, such as holding a party without a permit when they are one person over the limit. As citizens, we should not become the police. People jay walk, roll through stop signs, and litter. They don’t pick up their dog poop. Private citizens can educate their children on how important it is to obey the law and explain rules and regulations but they should not intercede and risk their personal safety.
I would suggest that you turn your love for your park into productive behavior. Many public parks in Philly have “Friends” groups. Consider joining your local group or starting one if your park doesn’t have one. Participate in clean up days and beautification. With a group of caretakers, you can determine your priorities for the park. See if others in the group are like-minded about alcohol use. Perhaps there is something the group finds that is an even higher priority for the care of the park, such as trash or needles. You can also go out and talk with the parent of the children who are playing in the park. Ask them what they like about the park and what could be improved. I would be surprised if they call out a couple enjoying lunch and a bottle of wine.
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