Here’s to a healthy dose of backbone.
✋💅✨ THANKS, I’M GOOD 🍏
Q: I’ve gained a lot of weight in college and am trying to eat healthier. My family, however, isn’t on board with my new diet (in fact, they act like I’m judging them when I refuse to eat the same food). How do I make positive changes for myself without feeling isolated or imposing my choices on them?
A: Good for you to try to eat healthier. Stick to your guns! Craft a response that focuses on how you want to eat, such as “this is what I am eating tonight,” which has no judgment from you and no statement that it is healthier than what they are eating. Just smile and continue to munch.
You are an adult. You can prepare your own food. If you normally help out in the kitchen, do what you are comfortable with. Set the table, wash the dishes. Just don’t eat things you don’t want to eat.
And, don’t impose your choices on your family. They might feel judged because they know their choices aren’t the best for them. Their food, their choice.
The road to weight loss may lead you to try new recipes. Try them out. If they are tasty to you, maybe you can make them for your family. You can do this. Don’t fight, don’t try to win converts. Being healthy is your choice. Own it.
Another important part of relying on yourself through this challenge is to watch out for people undermining your goals and lifestyle. If they are willing to keep you from a healthier diet, do they challenge your other choices?
If they want to control you, this battle might be one of many. Cut it off at the pass by asserting your adulthood and identity.
📸 TAG, YOU’RE NOT IT 📱😒🙅♀️
Q: A friend keeps tagging me in unflattering photos on social media. When I ask her to stop, she laughs it off and says I’m too picky about my appearance. She’s otherwise a really good friend, and I would miss her if we stopped hanging out. How can I set boundaries without hurting our friendship?
A. If you have boundaries and she won’t accept them, then she is not a good friend. A friend is not “otherwise good” if she refuses to modify her actions when she knows she’s causing you harm. You don’t laugh off something important to a friend.
You need to draw the line, but first make sure this isn’t a communication problem. Reach out to your friend to explicitly state your feelings, and how her behavior negatively affects you. If she tries to brush you off again, be firm that this is an important issue for you. Invite her to brainstorm with you a solution you’re both happy with.
Maybe you can agree to ask approval before sharing a photo? I don’t think a simple text is asking too much, but if that’s a hassle maybe there’s a filter or something she can use to cover your image until you’ve had a chance to review it? Or you could not take pictures when you’re out together at all.
If she’s a good friend, she will be open to negotiating some guidelines for your comfort. If she’s not however — prepare to be tested. How far are you willing to bend for the pleasure of this friend’s company? Is it worth swallowing your feelings about this issue?
When someone in your circle refuses to honor a reasonable request despite your feelings, that’s a big red flag. Big enough to end a friendship? That’s your decision of course, but do consider: No matter how great they might be to hang out with, imagine how much more fun they’d be if they weren’t toxic.
In more practical matters, now’s probably a good time to turn on tagging approval on your social media profiles, wherever possible. This won’t stop people from sharing pics of you, but it’ll at least keep them off your timeline. Blocking them isn’t perfect, either, but it’s not a bad last resort if needed to solidify your un-friendship of this person.
💡🪞 One last thought. While you absolutely deserve common courtesy in all relationships, a fixation on your image could be clouding your judgement. As you suss out this situation, leave some room to reflect on whether it’s possible you are harboring unrealistic demands on yourself. Nobody is flawless, it’s OK if your public presentation isn’t perfect. If you’re obsessing about your image so bad that you’re losing friends, that’s a sign perhaps to work on self-acceptance.
AGREE? DISAGREE? Please leave your remarks below in the Comments.
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