The everyday art of adaptation.
💋 FLING TO THING? ❤️🔥
Q: I have been dating this guy for a while, and I’m really falling for him. When we met, though, both of us said we were just looking for fun, and nothing serious. How can I ask him if he still feels that way without exposing my own feelings? I don’t want to pressure him into anything he’s not ready for.
A: You have to expose some feelings. It is not only the basis of a true relationship but it will also protect you from deeper heartbreak. Take a time when you are both relaxed and have time to talk. Tell him that you started out just looking for fun and that you have found him to be wonderful and want to spend more exclusive time with him. See his reaction. If he is not ready, he can tell you. If he is not getting serious, you want him to tell you, even if it hurts. You have to take care of yourself. Don’t set yourself up for more pain by hanging on to something that is not going to develop. Keep true to yourself and do things you want to do. Look for someone with common interests and a desire to have a long term companion. Good luck.
🐶 BOW WOW WHOA 🛑
Q: My neighbor’s dog has been barking a lot during the day and it’s driving me crazy. They tell me the dog is “adjusting” to them working outside the home now. Great but what about me? What about my peace and quiet? What can I do next?
A: You deserve peace and quiet. Philadelphia has a Noise Code, and if your neighbor’s dog is over the decibel threshold, then just five barks in a five-minute period can warrant a violation.
An animal control officer can provide key details about how dogs “adjust” and what kind of time-frame is reasonable to expect. ACCT Philly has a lot of good information (and a convenient intake form) on their website: acctphilly.org/animal-ordinance-complaints. Reach out to them 24/7 at 267-385-3800, or email fieldservices@acctphilly.org.
If this dog’s barking is exceeding legal limits, talk to your neighbor and express your concerns. Explain how you are being disturbed and help brainstorm solutions, if you can. Maybe they don’t know about doggie daycare, or need help finding a dog walker (or a trainer). Empathize that pets can be challenging, and stress that, as neighbors, you want to get along and keep a respectful peace between you.
Don’t threaten to file a complaint, but do explain your understanding of the city’s rules, and remind them that anyone within ear shot could make a call and they could face fines and penalties. If your neighbor seems resistant to change, or if they give you any attitude — back off and let the authorities handle it.
This is not just a noise violation, it’s quite possibly animal abuse. This poor pup sounds stressed out! Someone has to do something. Thanks for stepping up.
🆓 LOVE DON’T COST A THING ♥️
Q: I’ve recently switched careers and no longer have the budget to treat my younger nieces and nephews to the special gifts and outings the older ones enjoyed for milestone birthdays and graduations. How do I explain why they’re being shortchanged? I don’t want them to think I love them any less.
A: You don’t love them any less and you are not shortchanging them. They were never entitled to your gifts. No apologies needed. No guilt about not matching the gifts. Tell them, in casual conversation, that you don’t have the financial resources that you used to because of your new career. Do some research and find some fun things you can do that you can afford.
Locally, you might start with the Fairmount Park Conservancy, which offers family-friendly events for every budget throughout the parks system, including guided walks and star gazing parties. The Schuylkill Center is a 350+ acre nature reserve that’s free to visit, and also keeps a lively community calendar of possibilities. The Discovery Center features FREE activities around a pristine reservoir teaming with wildlife. Farther afield, The Greater Phila Expo Center hosts a surprising variety of interactive opportunities for all ages and interests. Don’t forget about your local library branch, either!
Just spending time together can be priceless. Something as simple as a picnic, a trip to an off-beat local museum, or a nature walk where you identify local flowers and trees. Or an afternoon of window shopping, even. Maybe stay home and do crafts? Whatever you do, invite your nieces’ and nephews’ input. Make a game of planning these new adventures together — they’ll likely be delighted to help think up ideas.
Ask them, “What would you do, if you wanted to make someone feel really special?” Then ask yourself the same question! Perhaps you could create a poem about what it means to be an aunt/uncle. Or write them each a letter about the wonderful ways they are unique and important to you.
I hope they are not keeping score with their siblings — if they are, then this is a good opportunity to talk about how love does not have a price tag. Let them know that, while expensive gifts are nice, they don’t last. There is always something bigger and “better” to replace it. Love, on the other hand, only gets more valuable as time passes.
When you put it like that, you’re not just sharing your feelings but you’re also modeling healthy attitudes and behaviors that will help them in life. Cheers to you!
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