Ask Athena: Don’t Push It

The art of helping without overstepping. 

FICTION, NOT FRICTION 

Q: I’ve been part of a book club for years, but recently, it seems no matter what we’re reading, the discussion turns political, and it’s really uncomfortable. How do I steer the group back to more neutral topics without offending anyone?

A: This is a group, so you have to approach it in terms of group dynamics. If you were to speak out after someone makes a political statement, that would not address the group process.

Instead, I think you should ask what the group wants to be. There are ways to focus on the book itself. Does your group use a study or reader’s guide? Ask questions that will start a discussion about the group’s purpose and the members’ goals.

Some book groups are purely social and allow the members to see each other and chat. Other groups are highly structured and only discuss the book.

It may be that other group members agree with you and want more of a focus on the book and not politics. On the other hand, people may want the group to be political. If that is the case, a discussion will bring that out, and you can decide if you wish to continue to be a member.

TEEN BUDGETING 101

Q: My teenage son wants to quit his after-school job, saying it’s too stressful with his schoolwork. OK, but now he expects me to provide pocket money so he can still go out with his friends. I’m not so sure about that. Where’s the line here? I want him to learn responsibility, but I don’t want to overwhelm him.

A: Dealing with teenagers can be quite a balancing act between providing support and granting independence. He has to learn responsibility, but it should not be at the cost of his education. And he should be using his own money for socializing. An after-school job every day could be too much because it requires his time regardless of the amount of school work.

There are other options. What about working at an ice cream shop on Friday nights and weekends when they are busy? Can he mow lawns, rake leaves, or shovel snow? These short stints can give him some spending money without creating a stressful and constant weekday obligation.

He also might get money from relatives around the holidays or birthdays that he could save for his social life. Perhaps, too, he could modify and limit his social life to match his financial resources. We all have to do this: we save money for things we want to do.

How about having his friends over instead of going out, if that works for you? Not only does it save money, but it has the added benefit of having you get to know his friends better. Maybe there are other less expensive social opportunities for him and his friends.

If you can afford it, maybe you can provide him with some social funds, but can they be tied to chores or school success? He needs to participate in solving this problem and mediating between bearing his own weight and leaning on you to finance his social life.

LOCAL BIZ MVP

Q: A local business I’ve loved for years is struggling, and I want to help promote them. What’s the best way to rally community support without coming across as pushy or controlling?

A: It is not controlling to promote and support a small business. Are you on social media? Go to the business, buy something, and post about it. Give them five stars on review pages. These are all ways we, as customers, can get more people to know about local businesses.

There are also larger forces at play that are keeping small businesses from being able to stay afloat. You don’t indicate what kind of business this is, but the economy may be putting them into a position where it is not feasible to continue.

Online shopping and free deliveries have made it difficult for small retailers to succeed. They may have to reposition themselves and their product line. Marketing alone may not help.

On the other hand, personal services such as nail salons and sit-down restaurants can’t be ordered. Perhaps it might help if you have a conversation with the business owner. What are they struggling with? Do they want your assistance, and what can you do to help?

Running a business can be an exhausting and isolating endeavor even in the best of times. You might consider reaching out to the owner, just to let them know you care.

AGREE? DISAGREE? Please leave your remarks below in the Comments.

Send your questions to AskAthena@nwlocalpaper.com

Read the last Ask Athena here.

About Athena 51 Articles
When she’s not advising mortals, Athena spends her time on earth in NW Philly with her husband, two sons and a day job where she’s paid to tell important people what to do (naturally). Send your questions to askathena@nwlocalpaper.com.

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