Everyone sees things a little differently.
SPACE INVADERS
Q: I live in a dense rowhome neighborhood where parking is tight, and one of my new neighbors puts cones out in front of their house to “save” their spot. Is it worth saying something, or should I just start doing it too?
A: Please do not up the war by saving your spot. Two wrongs do not make a right. Check with your neighbors. Maybe if you explain how you feel about the cones, others will agree and together you can figure out a plan of action. Maybe spread around the blowback, if there is any.
If the conehead persists, you can make an anonymous tip to the Parking Authority. Caveat, though. I would not complain if the neighbor digs out the space after a big snowstorm and cones it. It is not legal, but it is understandable, as long as the cones come down after a day or two.
Also, I would not remove them yourself. In this day of cameras, it is more than likely that your neighbor will “catch” you in the act.
LEAVE IT AT THAT
Q: A longtime friend has gone deep down a wellness rabbit hole — juice cleanses, biohacking, mold paranoia, you name it. I try to be supportive but our hangouts now revolve around her regimens and food rules. Am I a bad friend for wanting a break?
A: No, you can take a break. Any time for any reason.
That said, I suggest setting some rules of engagement. When your friend starts talking about one of these wellness regimens they are on, speak up at your first opportunity and politely ask to change the subject.
You don’t owe her an explanation or any feedback other than your honest response that this is not something you want to discuss with her. No judgement on what works for her. It just isn’t your thing, and there is so much else to talk about.
Suggest alternative topics. For example, “I don’t want to talk about cleanses, let’s talk about how the Eagles lost their championship,” Or the price of gas, or holiday plans, or family gossip, or whatever you may have bonded over in the past.
You might need to do this a few times for her to get the hint. Be patient, but don’t let her pester you. If she persists, it’s perfectly fine to put your hangouts on hold – or cut them short. Think of it as training. Friendships tend to change over the years, and sometimes you may need to reinforce how you want to interact.
Put yourself in her shoes too. I think it is fair for your friend to share some of what she’s going through in her quest for wellness. Just not all of it, all of the time. Find your comfort zone. Make space for your peace and stay in it.
JUST SAY NO
Q: I’ve been asked to be the maid of honor for a destination wedding that’s way out of my budget. I love my friend and want to support her, but I’d have to go into debt just to attend, nevermind the expense of being in her wedding party. How do I bow out gracefully without hurting our relationship?
A: You need to sit down and talk face to face with your friend. Tell her that you love her and that being maid of honor is the highest compliment. Then, gently explain that needs to select someone else.
Let her know that you want to be there for her big day, but this is not something you can afford at this time. Tell her that she deserves to have her dream wedding, so you are declining so that she has time to select another person.
Express your regrets plainly without guilt or embarrassment. It’s OK to say no. If you’re so inclined, suggest hosting (or organizing) a “send-off” party for friends who aren’t able to be there. Let her know you are excited for her, and wishing all the best.
Make it about your budget, not her decision to have a destination wedding. If she still feels offended, that’s on her. Take care of yourself and set your own boundaries.
CONNECT THE DOTS
Q: My child has a new friend whose parents are openly anti-vaccine and anti-school. They seem nice enough, but I’m uncomfortable with the amount of influence they seem to have. Should I say something to my kid, or just monitor things quietly?
A: As far as vaccines go, you should say something to your kid about why vaccines are important, and why we want whole communities vaccinated. Bring receipts! There are lots of good books and videos aimed at kids of all ages that explain the science and also the huge positive impact they’ve had on public health.
Have a conversation about all the lives that have been saved because of the measles and polio vaccines, for example. Talk about risks and side effects too, how they’re extremely rare but some people still distrust them. Depending on your child’s age (and curiosity), your discussion can be as involved as needed.
School is a little harder because the methods and results are much harder to pin down. And there are lots of valid reasons not to go to school. Don’t get me wrong, I am a 100% public school parent, but I do see some downsides. For example the bureaucracy, the emphasis on conformity, and the over-reliance on standardized testing.
Think about your own views on school, and the reasons behind your decision to send your child where they go. Would you ever consider home schooling? Why or why not? Here’s a great jumping-off point for another talk with your child.
Education is a family value. Share your thought process with your child. Tell them what’s important to you about school, and also what you think could use improving. And why some other families opt out.
The best thing you can do for your child is arm them to engage with others and be thoughtful in responding to their ideas. Teach them how to research, how to find and vet sources. Help them explore nuance, and feel comfortable in gray areas where there’s no clear right or wrong.
📚 Big Thoughts for Small Pints: A Reading List
- Baby Medical School: Vaccines by Cara and Jon Florance
A bright, friendly introduction to how vaccines help keep our bodies healthy. Ideal for babies and toddlers. Recommended ages: 0–3. - Maxine’s Critters Get the Vaccine Jitters by Jan Zauzmer
A reassuring picture book that addresses fear of shots and doctor visits in a gentle, age-appropriate way. Recommended ages: 3–6. - Andre’s Armor by Mohamad Jalloh, PharmD
Uses the metaphor of “armor” to explain immunity and protection, making complex ideas accessible for young kids. Recommended ages: 4–8. - A Vaccine Is Like a Memory by Rajani LaRocca and Kathleen Marcotte
Explains how vaccines work — and why they matter — using clear language and engaging illustrations for elementary-age readers. Recommended ages: 6–10. - Vaccination Investigation: The History and Science of Vaccines by Tara Haelle
A middle-grade nonfiction title that dives deeper into how vaccines were developed and how they protect communities. Recommended ages: 8–12. - The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs by Jon Scieszka and Lane Smith
A classic that introduces perspective, evidence, and questioning assumptions — all through a familiar fairy tale. Recommended ages: 5–9. - Oh, the Thinks You Can Think! by Theodor Geisel
Encourages imagination, curiosity, and flexible thinking in true Dr. Seuss style. Recommended ages: 3–7. - Ten Birds by Cybèle Young
A visually clever story that models problem-solving and logical thinking through a simple narrative. Recommended ages: 4–8. - It’s Useful to Have a Duck by Isol
A playful picture book by an Argentinian artist that encourages curiosity and flexible thinking by inviting kids to question assumptions through imaginative, unexpected scenarios. Recommended ages: 2–6. - Facts vs. Opinions vs. Robots by Michael Rex
Written and illustrated by Michael Rex. A clear, kid-friendly introduction to distinguishing facts from opinions, using humor and robots to make abstract ideas easy to grasp. Recommended ages: 4–8.
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