Coal happens, but it doesn’t have to end up in your stocking.
SERIOUSLY SKIBIDI 🤨
Q: My kid has started using slang I don’t understand — and when I ask what it means, they say “it’s not for parents.” I want to stay connected, but I also don’t want to be the cringe mom trying too hard. How do I stay in the loop without overstepping?
A: I like that your child is starting to set boundaries, it is part of maturing and independence. They don’t make the rules, however. You have an obligation to make sure they are safe. So, two things. First, try to figure out what they are talking about by looking it up on the internet. This will almost always work. Don’t start using the slang seem with it, however. Use the internet as a translation tool so that you know what is going on. If they say something in front of you to try to fake you out, respond if you know the meaning. Don’t be fake or deceitful.
Second, make sure you are connecting with your child. You want them to come to you if there are problems or if they have feelings they need to express. There is not perfect formula, so try to be open, honest, and caring in all situations. Resist the temptation to be judgmental. You stay connected by being clear about when you might step through their boundaries (safety) and when you are leaving them alone to grow and find their place in the world with your support.
It also helps to remember that slang is often a moving target — sometimes it’s just nonsense meant to mark membership in a group, and other times it’s a shorthand for real issues they don’t yet have adult language for. You don’t need to decipher every word in real time to be a steady presence. What matters more is that your child sees you paying attention without inserting yourself into every corner of their world. If you consistently show interest in their life without performing “cool parent theater,” they’ll recognize the difference and will usually let you in more than you think. Quiet consistency goes farther than fluency in whatever phrase is trending this week.
🚫 STEP AWAY FROM THE MENU
Q: I hosted a block party cookout and a neighbor brought a “plant-based brisket” that was… not good. Now they want to do joint hosting for next time and I’m dreading the menu. How do I keep things friendly but preserve the actual joy of good food?
A: I’d make it clear up front that even if you are joint hosting, there is going to be a menu that has meat. I think it is great to have a plant based menu to accompany the carnivores’. People have such a variety of diet restrictions that it is good to think of other needs, such as vegan or gluten free. Your neighbor clearly likes their inedible brisket but you don’t have to. The block party is for them, too. If it doesn’t taste good, maybe there will be a lot of leftovers and they will make less next year. You have an opportunity to expand the inclusiveness of the party. Do it with joy.
Remember, too, joint hosting doesn’t require joint decision-making on every item, so don’t hand over more control than you intend to. Agree on broad categories and let each person contribute within them. You can frame this as an organizational tool rather than a critique of anyone’s cooking: “You handle the sides, I’ll handle the mains,” and so on. This keeps the peace, protects the quality of the food you care about, and gives your neighbor plenty of room to share their enthusiasm without letting one unfortunate dish dictate your entire event. Most people appreciate a structure that prevents awkwardness, even if they never say so directly.
OUT OF PRIME 🔒
Q: A friend has started “borrowing” my Amazon Prime account for her own orders, and now I’m getting notifications for stuff I didn’t buy. I let it slide once but it’s becoming a pattern. What’s the polite way to say “get your own subscription”?
A: Change your password. If they ask for the new one, just say that you needed to change it and you prefer not to share it. Offer that you can order things for them from time to time. If the requests are more often than what you want (once a year, once a month, once a week, it doesn’t matter because it is YOUR boundary and YOUR account), just say that you have reached your limit. Don’t apologize. They know the solution.
People often test boundaries not out of malice but because the original “favor” wasn’t clearly defined. Resetting your password does the work for you without a dramatic confrontation. If you want to soften the edges, you can frame your new policy around practical reasons — financial security, privacy, account confusion. All are true. What matters is that you hold the line once you set it. A reasonable friend will accept this immediately, and someone who doesn’t is showing you the real issue: not the subscription, but their expectation of unlimited access. Addressing it now prevents larger entitlement later.
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