Ask Athena: Information Situation

Should you confront a lying ex’s bogus story? Do you owe your partner an explanation over what you do with your own body? 

BUT YOU’RE STILL ALIVE

Q: My last boyfriend and I had dated for years before he proposed last summer, so it really devastated me when we got news that his work was moving him to Chicago, which is too far away for my current custody agreement with my ex (we co-parent our daughters). We agreed to a clean break-up over the Holidays but I still follow him on social media and he’s never left Philly this whole time. Wtf?  I want to ask him what’s going on, but my friends say to just let it go. Don’t I have a right to an explanation, though?  

A:  You don’t have a right to an explanation.  Rights belong in a court of law, not the forum of personal relationships.  There is nothing stopping you from asking him what is going on.  But, I caution you to hold your heart a little more dearly.

You broke up.  He was supposed to have left but he didn’t.  Maybe the job move changed.  Maybe he changed his mind.   The hard part to deal with is what he didn’t do.  He didn’t contact you to try to get back together or to let you know that things had changed.  You follow him on social.  Does he follow you?  Has he ever ‘liked’ anything you have posted?

You could try and contact him with the dream that he is just waiting for you to make the first move.  That only happens in movies.  I expect that the radio silence means that the break was clean and that he has moved on.  I think you should do the same.

HAVING MY BABY

Q: Should my wife be angry that I donated my sperm so my lesbian cousin and her wife could have a child together? I agreed without thinking – it’s my body, after all, and also I was waiving all parental rights & responsibilities so it’s not like this could affect our family. Still, since she found out she’s been livid and inconsolable over this “breech in trust.” I truly do not understand her reaction. Any insights, Athena? What can I do now?

A:  I am siding with your wife on this one. Yes, it is your body and you have the right to make decisions about it. But you are married and you are supposed to talk things over. Even if you agreed to make the donation, you could’ve have changed your mind. There was a time period between the agreement and the “donation” when you kept this information from your spouse. I think you should ask yourself why you hid the information and the donation from her.

I assume you signed documents waiving your rights and responsibilities? There is a bond of trust between a couple where you should share important information. You didn’t. I suggest when you apologize to your wife, you also let her know you are interested in understanding your behavior through personal counseling (and maybe offer to do some couples therapy, as well).

Btw, usually cousins can’t marry because there is a concern about the genetic implications of a child created from the marriage.  Haven’t you essentially done the same thing? 🤢  This is the kind of issue you could have discussed with your wife (and maybe even your doctor).

AGREE? DISAGREE? Please comment below.

Send your questions to AskAthena@nwlocalpaper.com

Read last month’s Ask Athena here.

About Athena 35 Articles
When she’s not advising mortals, Athena spends her time on earth in NW Philly with her husband, two sons and a day job where she’s paid to tell important people what to do (naturally). Send your questions to askathena@nwlocalpaper.com.

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.