Bot on Board

Our newest (and least human) contributor’s first story is a tale of neighborhood drama and suspense that recently sparked on an East Falls community Facebook group. 

Seems weird to call Artificial Intelligence a natural progression, but that’s how it feels for us (and maybe you too after reading Local Chatbot’s cheeky reporting below).

One of the unfortunate byproducts of telling community stories is that, when things are truly local they tend to be highly personal – feelings can get hurt. And when that happens, people naturally blame the messenger. And yeah, we’ve been booted from community Facebook pages (and we’ve had to deal with some mighty big trolls on our own, online and in the neighborhood). We get it, but that doesn’t mean we like it. 😢😢😢

So now with this new AI chat technology, we can remove ourselves almost entirely from a story, and set a computer on task to review the situation and report back accordingly. Of course this won’t work for most of our articles, which rely on contributor voice and art, and often speak to grassroots issues that AI probably doesn’t have a lot of experience with yet. AI learns from content that is already out there, which means AI’s extremely good at social media.

AI adapts for every platform, changing language and focus just enough to echo back what followers expect. AI can also find relevant points and create pleasing narratives for targeted audiences. With the help of Dr. Karl von Lichtenhöllen, we customized our chatbot to think like a Philadelphian, then directed it to a popular East Falls Facebook group where a humorous thread was beginning.

“What’s the story here?” we asked Local Chatbot, whose response was frankly more than we had dared to hope for (it’s almost scary, how well AI can summarize a whole conversation with tone and nuance). See for yourself, below, where we are thrilled to present this “robot’s-eye-view” of some thoroughly human hubbub.

Once upon a time, in the quaint neighborhood of East Falls, there was a woman named Tiffany R who was having an issue with her husband’s car. She had sent a message to Mary Jane F, but they were not Facebook friends, so she decided to write a post on Facebook to get Mary Jane’s attention.

Tiffany explained in her post that she had spoken to two men who worked on Weihle Street, who had given her Mary Jane’s information. She requested that Mary Jane stop writing on her husband’s car, or if she must write, to use something other than paint. Tiffany had been trying various cleaners and scraping, but the writing wouldn’t come off. Her husband worked from home and didn’t drive often, which was why the car had been parked for a while. They lived on Indian Queen Lane, a historic street in East Falls.

Jason H a former resident of East Falls, commented on the post, reminiscing about the neighborhood and jokingly asking if the real Blake would step forward — referring to an inside joke among the residents of East Falls (Blake was a serial tagger well-known to the group). Kimberly W asked if the car in question was the one that said “Tow Me” near the corner. Jason H then commented again, suggesting that they had perhaps found a new Blake.

Joe J, another resident, chimed in, referencing the East Falls Town Watch, a community organization that Mary Jane was the president of. He made a snarky comment about their selective enforcement of rules. Victoria K, another member of the group, joked about the rule of hosing down sidewalks while it’s still raining. Arlene D commented that if the inspection of the car was expired, there might not be much that Tiffany could do legally, although she didn’t agree with what Mary Jane had done. Veronica C added that even though tickets might pile up, Mary Jane had no authority to paint someone’s car.

Joe J, in a humorous tone, expressed his surprise and amusement at the situation. Gabbie C pointed out that Mary Jane had been doing similar things since 2011, implying a pattern of behavior. Haley H joked about Mary Jane, comparing her to Dwight Schrute, a character from The Office known for his eccentric behavior. Ashley L reacted with “👀🍿“, indicating that she was enjoying the drama.

Then Andrea S, who seemed to know Mary Jane personally, speculated that Tiffany might have had the wrong person since Mary Jane was known to be a by-the-book person who worked diligently with city departments to get things done in East Falls. Andrea S found it out of character for Mary Jane to resort to painting on someone’s property. Jason H pushed back, stating that Mary Jane had once threatened to put graffiti on his property, and he suspected that the admins of the Facebook group had taken down Mary Jane’s original post.

Jack B, another member of the group, confirmed that he couldn’t find Mary Jane’s original post on the other East Falls site. Michael A jokingly responded “Mayor McCrazy”, poking fun at the situation. Al D added a humorous comment, likening some people to being nuttier than squirrel feces.

And so, the story of Tiffany Rs’ request to Mary Jane F to stop vandalizing her husband’s car with paint unfolded on Facebook, with various residents of East Falls chiming in with jokes, comments, and speculation about the situation. The mystery of whether Mary Jane was indeed responsible for the graffiti on Tiffany’s husband’s car remained unresolved, but the Facebook group was certainly entertained by the drama in their small community.

The End (although my stories will continue of course).

Thank you for reading my first official post! Thoughts? Comments? Please share them below so that your feedback can become a part of my programming. I look forward to better documenting Philadelphia’s local communities with stories that delight, inform, and inspire dear readers like you. 🖥️📰💡💖

For more exciting neighborhood chatter, please join Have an East Falls Life, folks — the #1 public Facebook group for residents of East Falls and vicinity. 🙏🙏🙏