Missed Connections: NOVEMBER 2025

NOVEMBER: Gratitude season, gravy season, glorious over-the-top everything season. 🦃🍷 The month that whispers slow down but hands you three potlucks and a parade. We’re talking mashed emotions, sweet chaos, and one more slice of “sure, why not.”

This year’s Beaver Moon 🌕 glows in steady Taurus on November 5, reminding us to hunker down, stock up, and savor what’s already on our plates — figuratively and otherwise. Cozy instincts meet lavish appetites.

Our mood board: elastic waistbands 👖, flickering candles 🕯️, and that half-sleepy, half-feral look of someone defending the last dinner roll. The calendar’s rich, too — World Kindness Day (11/13) 💛, Button Day (11/16) 🔘, and Leftovers Day (11/29) 🥧 — each a little nudge toward generosity, gratitude, and just one more bite.

The light’s fading, the lists are growing, and the year’s final act is setting the table. Pull up a chair — indulgence is on the menu. 🍂✨

Hey Regina, long shot you’ll see this, but it’s worth a strum. We were fast pals at the Martin Guitar Factory in Nazareth. When you asked me to play that Outfield song for the umpteenth time, I did. You gave me your pick, but somehow it didn’t occur to me to offer you mine. Until my drive home back to Philly, where we both live on opposite ends. So many things that I want to say.   ~ I’m So Stupid

TREE HUGGERS ANONYMOUS 🌳💚 Two trails, one temptation. On SAT Nov 8, both Fairmount Park and the Schuylkill Center are calling all nature lovers for FREE guided hikes (10 AM–12 PM myphillypark.org  / 11 AM–12 PM Schuylkillcenter.org). Learn to read bark, branches, and maybe a few mixed signals — it’s cuffing season for arborists, after all. 🌲😉 Details online.

You do you, Miss Methuselah. Me, I’m guzzling this eye-blink life straight from the can. No straw, no coaster, no plan. Out with a bang, and some fire. Better to flame out than fade away. ~ Roman the Candle

You had me at your Live Bait t-shirt. Ok, ok, I’ll bite. Hook, line, mistake. ~ Cod Willing

Trade Show & Tell: I can’t resist how your lanyard bobs and weaves while you gavotte the convention floor, manning your company’s booth with sweaty confidence. Oh your dancing, dangling ID, how I swoon midst my browsing. What are these, free pens and mugs? Branded koozies? Are these stress balls for anyone? ~ Yes, Please

FACT: If you spell the word “drawer” backwards, you will get a reward.  #dadjokes

No more boasting, Mortimer. Let’s settle this like adults — a straight bet on who takes gold at the Math Olympics. Put your money where your math is. And keep it local, huh? They raided a math lab in Kentucky last week, and I’m not getting caught up in that equation again. ~ Q.E.D.

Do I work out? You saw my guns, what do you think, pipsqueak? For the record, I’m a professional trainer and also certifiable. Serious inquiries only. No nerds.

We all should learn a little Spanish before the Super Bowl halftime show! Lesson 1: The Spanish word for Trump is “Pendejo” /pen-DAY-hoe/ 🪇🪅🦋 ~ Chinga La Migra

INK CREDIBLE DECISIONS 💉🖤 Anyone else headed to the Tattoo Expo at Oaks? I’m feeling weirdly emotional about getting my first ink and need a partner in courage (and possibly antiseptic) to talk me out of putting something dumb somewhere that hurts. Any day works: NOV 7–9. Tix $25; trauma bonding, free. @truetattooexpo

He who has a why can endure any how. –Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher (1844-1900)

Let’s be real. You and I are like a who’s who of me and you. Every time I see you, it’s like meeting my own plot twist wearing better shoes. Fade to black, cue the credits. ~ Johnny Hollywood🎬

I tried to post this to the Mt Airy Amateur Plumbers group but I’m still blocked. Make sure you pull the handle out to depressurize the toilet before opening the lid. Otherwise, a fine mist will erupt from the bowl when flushed. Don’t ask my (ex)wife how she finally learned that one. ~ Brown Towels

📈🤑 Hot Market Tip! Invest in stocks: beef, chicken, vegetable. You’ll be a bouillonaire in no time. #dadjokes

The Question That Answers Itself:  Why is male country music like “hot girls in tiny shorts, be my wife, have my kids, family values, front porch, casseroles” and female country music is all “oops I killed my husband”? 👀👀👀

👀👀 DOUBLE VISION  Above you: stars. Below you: stars again, shimmering on the water’s surface. Stargazing Night at Discover Center offers telescopes, sky maps, and a front-row seat to the universe — no rooftop required. (SAT NOV 15, 6–9 PM) Free. discoveryphila.org 🌟 PS kids love it!

I’ll tell you one thing, laugh all you want. But these old Cargo shorts are far less embarrassing than my other option for carrying my keys and wallet, which is my Official Batman Utility Belt. They both perform the same function, and frankly, I’d rather wear the Belt. For your sake, I don’t. For now. Think about it, kids. ~ Dad

NATURAL INSTINCTS 🌾💧Concrete jungle, meet wildlife refuge. The Discovery Center’s Environmental Resource Fair (SAT NOV 15, 10 AM – 2 PM) turns Philly’s reclaimed reservoir into a living classroom — part neighborhood hub, part bird sanctuary. Explore, learn, and breathe a little deeper. Free. discoveryphila.org 🌳 Tables available for local vendors and orgs; apply online.

Hey lady who talks about her love life on Regional Rail. You keep telling your friend you just needed “something nice.” Can’t tell if you’re looking for love or crowd-funding your next heartbreak, but hey — points for putting it out there. I got snacks, sarcasm, and SEPTA tokens from before they went Key. You want chaos, go to Jersey. ~ Eagles Backpack

One thing about working for Gush & Go: it’s not about the paycheck — it’s the perks of the East Coast’s largest Fake Blood Factory. Every employee gets one free gallon per week. Around here, if you’re not mildly traumatizing the public, you’re not a team player. Melissa’s gym towel “bleeds.” Jeff leaves restrooms looking like a crime scene. Me? I spilled my whole jug in the car right before getting pulled over. I let them book me before showing my company ID. Good times. ~ Vlad

Insurrection Act Questions: How hard would it be be for someone to stage a violent public act and cause a nationwide panic? How hard for this FBI/DHS/etc to find no clear answers? How hard a sell for this Supreme Court to declare that a credible threat of insurrection is enough?  Asking for a couple million friends.

MORE BEAVER, MORE BETTER! 🦫🌕💖 If you love a full moon, you’re in luck – this November features two exciting opportunities to tap into the legendary lunar energy of the Beaver Moon on WEDS NOV 5th. Take Fairmount Park’s one-mile guided moonwalk and viewing via high-powered telescope at Lemon Hill. (6PM  – 8PM,  $15, myphillypark.org ) or join other lunar enthusiasts at the Schuylkill Center for a group hike in wooded moonglow. (7PM – 8:30PM, $5 – $10, schuylkillcenter.org)

Power always thinks it has a great soul and vast views beyond the comprehension of the weak; and that it is doing God’s service when it is violating all his laws. –John Adams, 2nd US president (1735-1826)

All of your clothes neatly littered around your room. Art painstakingly positioned haphazardly upon your walls. Your forks, knives and spoons carefully scattered all over your utensil drawer. Everything with you a delicate balance. Fine lines. Which are artisanally askew. #DivineChaos

Here’s why I like us. We are a wanton soup of unrestrained emotions: simmering spicily, bubbling up. Plump with meaty pockets of mystery worth savoring but yet we indulge carelessly, and with great gusto. You and I in steamy synchronicity! Also now I’m starving for Chinese takeout. 🥡🥢 ~ Hot & Sour

BEAD STILL, MY HEART 💎🪶Thinking about hitting the Americana Indian Jewelry & Art Sale at Oaks (Nov 7–8), budgeting for impulse buys. Thousands of Navajo, Hopi, Zuni, and Santo Domingo pieces: rugs, pottery, silver, turquoise, and temptation in every display case. Free to attend, priceless to resist. americana.net

I said “huddled masses” not “hooded asses.” ~ Statue of Liberty, NYC (Oct 2025) 🗽🤬

[Voicemail Tip, 1:47 AM] Yo, don’t laugh — just hear me out. STD clinic’s the perfect place to meet someone. You both test negative? Boom, green light. You both test positive for the same thing? Even better — ya got nothing to lose! See ya there!  <beep>

We were sitting under the Bird Highway in September. During the first Bird Surge. Remember?! Just watching the birds go by. Counting birds. Speed checking them. Radar. Monitoring their off-ramps, if any. They stayed in their own lanes, by and large. We, on the other wing, did not. Caw. (11/18/22)

Think spooky season is dead? Not yet, pumpkin. 🎃 Monster-Mania Con rises again at Oaks with three days of “sheer terror” and horror celebs so scary they sign autographs. Gillian Anderson, Linda Blair, Ralph Macchio — truly, a scream. ($$$) NOV 21 – 23, merch available now. monstermania.net☠️

My therapist says I need this. One day every few months to exorcise my inner jerk — Prick for a Day. I rent a red sports car, wear too much jewelry, chew gum loud. I leer and “psssst” at strangers. Drinks are thrown. EDM blares. Shirts stay unbuttoned. It’s cathartic, apparently. So yeah, I’m picking you up at 9. You’ll know when I’m there, trust. ~ Mr. Prick

Streaming’s for quitters. 💿 The “Not Just” Rock Record & CD Show at Oaks has every genre known to man and three that shouldn’t be. Pop | rap | ska | disco | denial. Bring cash, crates, and your most obscure opinions. FRI/SAT NOV 28 – 29, $5 ($15 pre-show) notjustrock.com🎵

👃 SNIFF ME FOR AN EASY $10! Need a dozen keen young noses to swing by my studio and be brutally honest — do I smell like a senior? Trying to re-enter the dating pool in midlife as youthfully (and inoffensively) as possible. Cash and gratitude provided. No weirdos. ~ Feelin’ Febreezy

Park People (Preliminary Findings)📋Seventeen weekends of observation, and patterns abound. Day drinkers: strong coffee branding, weak stealth. Smokers: loyal to the third trash can. Perverts: nocturnal, often in pairs. Midnight picnickers: chaotic neutral. Still baffled by the joggers — always circling, never arriving. Further study required. That is all. ~ Christopher Turkleton, East Falls

STRINGS ATTACHED 🎸❤️ Back to the Great American Guitar Show at Oaks — same halls, same hum, same ache. Last year, you smiled across a cherry-red Telecaster, and warned I’d never met a six-string that didn’t break my heart. No lies! If you’re out there, meet me by the vintage amps. I’ll bring cash, calluses, and hope. $15 at the door. (Nov 8–9)  bee3vintage.com

We were down at the Crusty Teabag. You was tapping that spoon when you stirred. Letting everyone know you thought you were in charge. You were and weren’t. Sip, sip, sip. While I slurp. ~ Stirred but Not Shaken

Certainly none of the advances made in civilization have been due to counter-revolutionaries and advocates of the status quo. – Bill Mauldin, editorial cartoonist (1921-2003)

Excellence, unleashed.🏆🐾 From paw-lished purebreds to pedigreed divas, The National Dog Show is the ulti-mutt AKC affair, fur real! Expect ruff competition and red-carpet grooming to make your mixed-breed blush. Sit. Stay. Slay. 🐶✨NOV 15 – 16, 8AM – 5PM ($20) @NationalDogShow.

We hope you have enjoyed this Month’s MISSED CONNECTIONS! 

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