DECEMBER: The twinkle month, the finale, the big glittery exhale. ✨🎄The season when the world says “slow down,” yet hands you five parties, three cookie swaps, and a neighbor who wants to discuss zoning at midnight.
December’s Full Cold Moon 🌕 rises in chatty Gemini on Dec 4, stirring nostalgia, mixed signals, and the urge to text someone you probably shouldn’t. The Winter Solstice arrives Dec 21 ❄️ — the longest night, perfect for reflection, mischief, and losing yet another left glove. Our mood board: rogue tinsel ✨, peppermint overload 🍬, bulging totes of impulse gifts 🎁, and the feral thrill of street parking after the first snowfall.
Quirky holidays bring extra sparkle — Time Traveler Day (12/8) 🕰️, Ugly Sweater Day (12/19) 🧶, and Make Up Your Mind Day (12/31) 🤔. The year leans toward its finale — frayed, funny, and full of stories we’re still processing. Step in from the cold. 💫
Let’s Face It: I came for the view and stayed for the crime. You — leaning on the railing like it was all completely normal. Your eyes so sweet and so cold. ~ What Next?
🕵️What’s up with all the MAGAs with foreign accounts on X? What do you suppose all these bots are doing? And who is all this bluster for? Who benefits? You? Me? America? Follow the money! 💸💸💸
Abiyah: You texted me all those handmade soaps, but none of the scents are coming through on my end. Tea tree, lavender, turmeric, whatever that green one was… Nothing. Please resend. I want to smell what you meant. That’s the whole point! ~ Nana G
Nature! Poetry! Gifts! Come out for the words and music, stay for the great food and shopping. Or vice versa. It’s free either way, and the reservoir views are spectacular. Discoveryphila.org FRI DEC 5 | 6PM – 9PM | @altruistic_vision
Hello I’d like to report a paranormal sighting at the Falls Bridge, just now. The 911 operator said to try here, apparently ghosts aren’t emergencies. So I was stopped at the light and this Revolutionary War guy walked right though the hood of my car. I’m not from here though — does this mean anything? Am I cursed? Or is this a good omen or…? I couldn’t tell from his expression, it was pretty blurry. ~ Neil
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🦜 Tropical bird. I’ll come back as a tropical bird in my next life. I’m gonna look effortlessly awesome. All the time. Eat scrumptious, exotic tropical fruit. All around me. Gonna live in paradise for real next time. Not this humans’ illusion. ~ Grounded For Now
📢 Attention, Trolls! Apologies to ticketholders for this year’s Subterranean Soiree, the event has been cancelled to accommodate Fairmount Park Conservancy’s guided tour through our legendary hidden trolley network, slated for the same date: SAT DEC 6. Volunteers needed to guard magic hoards along a 4-mile loop of secret underworld. @myphillypark
Public Safety Check: Every now and again, I make a big show of trying to jam a mannequin into my trunk in public. Just to see if anyone is paying attention. Bad news. No one is paying attention. Not even when the arm fell off. If you see me, please react. I need this. ~ Invisible Man
Need to tire out a toddler? Drag your whirlwind of chaos to @schuylkillcenter for sensory play. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday mornings, 9:30–11. We walk, we sing, we paint (or at least smear colors on things). My kid loves it; I survive it. If you see someone in a coffee-stained hoodie trying to keep their toddler from eating a pinecone, that’s me. Come say hi! $25 drop-ins. Bring snacks. For you. Not them. #Sprouts
OK Gene, I hereby apologize for acting up with your cousins at Billy’s luncheon. I think we were all a little sad after the burial and I was just trying to lighten the mood. Maybe the limerick contest was a mistake but you’re the one who insisted on the open bar. And it’s not my fault he drove a truck. 🙄 – Julie
It’s true I’m a caricature of myself. I suspect you are too. Be honest. It only becomes more obvious when you try to hide it. Follow me for more life hacks, fellow weirdos! ~ Digby
I remember growing up in a conservative household I was told about how in communist dictatorships, the people starve while the leaders hold lavish parties and build opulent palaces. Anyway, not sure why I brought that up. #historyrepeats
🎄🛍️ A Winter’s Market at Inglis Innovation (2600 Belmont Ave) features unique gifts by a talented mix of local artists, bakers, and makers of all abilities. Supports community-based services for people living independently with physical challenges. FRI DEC 12 (4PM – 7PM).
I don’t believe that circumcision causes Autism but the evidence linking micropenises to fascism seems to be adding up. 🤣🤣🤣
You look like the kind of guy who doesn’t shake his bottom and flash a sweaty grin at the board girl when he’s laying down the maracas track at the recording session. Quiet please, we are live. Lemme pot up something sticky. ~ Miz Mixx
🐦 What happens when you bring strangers together in a natural setting to journal and make pine-cone bird feeders? Find out SAT DEC 13 (10AM – 12PM) at the Discovery Center. FREE.
LOST: PETARD (Germantown) Set it down for one second and now it’s gone. Retraced all steps. Checked behind toolbox, under porch, inside the recycling bin. No petard. Hoisting scheduled for noon-ish 12/18, so it’s time-sensitive. If you’ve seen one unattended, please reach out. This is embarrassing.
East Falls Social! Join NW Neighbors for a holiday happy hour DEC 8 @TheFallserClub. Fun starts at 6pm. Whatever you do, DON’T bring up the house on Ainslie.
Punctuation Matters! A literalist takes things literally. A kleptomaniac takes things, literally. #dadjokes
WINTER SOUL-STICE SEEKER 🌕🔥
You: craving quiet connection with old stories, warm hearts, and folk crafts. Me: hoping to share the solstice in a community glow. Let’s honor the shortest day together, far from the noise, close to the fire. DEC 20 (noon – 2pm) @schuylkillcenter
YOU, IN THE BATHROOM MIRROR We meet every morning. I look away; you’re relentless.
I pretend not to see you; you stare right back. Dude, it’s too much. Get help. ~ Eko Eko
Use only that which works and take it from any place you can find it. — Bruce Lee, martial artist and actor (1940-1973)
It really rubs me the wrong way that there’s some drug addict out there with a dozen kids by a dozen different women, who spends all day on his phone instead of working, getting my hard-earned tax dollars when I can think of a million better ways to spend it. Plus he’s already the richest man in the world. #ElonSucks
Parenting truth: You either face your demons or they raise your children. ~ unknown
🧪🚫 To everyone attending the Strawberry Mansion reservoir review on Dec 6: I can’t make it, so I’m begging you — NO SPOILERS. Please don’t tell me the final count of macroinvertebrates, or how the water chemistry plot resolves. I want to experience the year’s data with fresh eyes in January. If you must post, do it on X where I won’t see it. @discoveryphila
The problem is, some of y’all are trying to sit at the tables that God sent you to flip. 💪🏻💪🏽💪🏾 #Indivisible
🙌😵💫🪚 This year felt like being awake during surgery. #2025
TO VIOLET who took me to my first Guru Cage Fight 11/13. We held hands when Sadhguru rolled in on a motorcycle made of enlightenment, and Mooji wafted down from a cloud of pure calm. It was an epic battle: cosmic epiphanies vs almighty serenity. After trading introspections, they simultaneously told each other to “look within,” triggering a feedback loop so intense it blissed us of our seats. Amazing! But also weird. I woke up at the 69th street terminal, wondering if you got home ok. Does this happen every time? Call me. ~ Sheldon
There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth. -Leo Tolstoy, novelist and philosopher (1828-1910)
Who’s Getting a Ring this Year?! Get a head start on your big day at Philly Bridal & Wedding Expo JAN 3 & 4 at the Convention Center. The city’s best professionals for the nuptials of your dreams. $10 at the door, but admission is FREE if you rsvp online. @bridalshowspa
Just checked my funds, look like everybody getting tf outta my face for Christmas. 😂😂😂 ~ Reeta
If you want a symbolic gesture, don’t burn the flag, wash it. — Norman Thomas, minister and social reformer (1884-1968)
Ew, Carla. You were wrong about hiking, it’s a filthy habit. The trails are covered in DIRT! There are leaves and twigs just… fall wherever. And with all those birds and squirrels and deer and stuff – there’s gotta be poop everywhere. So gross. Mother Nature is a hot mess and I don’t care if I never see her again. ~ Lyn
DINK THE HALLS! 2nd Annual Pickleball Tournie for Philabundance hopes to raise 30,000+ lbs of food this year. Levels 3.0 – 4.5. SAT/SUN DEC 13 – 14 @DillDinkers (Hatboro) Great prizes!
If I was the president and the whole world was calling me a pedophile, I would make every page of the Epstein files public to prove I wasn’t in there. You know, unless I was in there. 😶 Release👏 the 👏 Epstein 👏 Files 👏
Anonymous, my love — I dare not speak your name. Even if I knew it (which I don’t), I’d never tell. Can you give me a hint? Do you have a nickname or something? It’s weird how you just show up, too, and expect me to drop everything. This isn’t over. ~ Just Deb
🚨 Step away from the corporate consumerism, Ma’am. Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to stop funding billionaires who seek to destroy our way of life. Buy local from Philly’s world-class makers. 🌎✨ Shop 40+ outstanding vendors at the EF Winter Market at The Fallser Club. SUN DEC 8 (12PM – 6PM)
When I can look Life in the eyes, / Grown calm and very coldly wise, / Life will have given me the truth, / And taken in exchange — my youth. ~ Sara Teasdale, American poet (1884-1933)
I hope “Quiet, Piggy” are the last words he hears whispered into his ear by a nurse, as she squirts his morphine onto the floor. #nofury
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