The following unexplained incidents have been reported in East Falls and Germantown.
All accounts have been verified using undiscovered evidence. Send corrections and additions to email@example.com.
September 2-3, 2019
Delucas Jackson, 43, of English Manor Apartments self-reported that he sees dead people “all the time” on Wayne Avenue. Jackson has been observing the deceased since his childhood but this is the first time he has ever made an official report, “There’s just so many of them now.” Jackson feels strongly “they are up to something.”
September 7, 2019
School House & Henry
Physicians and physicists at Jefferson are still investigating the ability of Emily Walker to shift randomly between times in the past, future and present in the span of 30 seconds. She described, in exact detail what Armat Street looked like in 1901 and what it will look like 75 years from now. Archivists at the Philadelphia Free Library confirmed photographs taken 1901 matched her description perfectly. These are the only known photographs from this part of Germantown at that exact time and they have never been available to the public. There is no way Mrs. Walker could have possibly seen the photos.
September 9, 2019
Dana Waslowski, a docent with Historic Germantown, reported that her body was inhabited by spirits from the mid 1800’s who followed her home from a fundraising event at Wyck House. Notable about her statement is that she says she was inhabited by two beings at the same time – a first for Historic Germantown (where it had previously been thought only one possession was possible simultaneously). Ms. Waslowski advised that it was a male and a female spirit, that they appeared to be in a relationship, and that they had chosen her body in which to have a heated argument. She said it was a long night.
September 13, 2019
The Lady of the River has returned once again. Falls Ridge resident Dan Grouse reported seeing her in the customary way: while fishing alone on Kelly Drive at 2am. At first, she appears as a greenish glow along the shore on the opposite side of the Schuylkill. Then the light intensifies and appears to take on a human form. “That’s really when I should’ve gotten the hell out of there,” he told the Local. Instead, he continued to fish as a sorrowful, menacing energy overtook him with thoughts and images he can “never scrub free from his brain.” Neighbors are warned not to fish alone on moonlit nights when the river is eerily calm.
September 22, 2019
Indian Queen Lane
East Fallser Michelle Meckling reported that a tabby cat named “Morris” addressed her in English, with a slight Latin and/or Italian accent. He inquired into her trespassing into his territory. He asked Meckling the nature of her business and if she was looking to “score any nip.” When told she was just using a shortcut, Morris the Cat then complimented her on her “fluffy bottom” and asserted that he could help her make a “boat load of dough with that a–.” He brushed off her offense and claimed she couldn’t take a joke.
September 28, 2019
Frances Risotto reported being chased by a zombie-like being through the woods of Dutch Hollow and down Midvale Avenue, where she ducked into Majors to elude it. She was able to outrun it easily, this being one of the slow and stupid zombies as opposed to those fast ones that are actually scary. Upon questioning, Risotto conceded the zombie she saw could’ve possibly been her brother Jerry.
October 2, 2019
East Falls Train Station
A couple in their 20’s reported mysterious ghost art in the Cresson Street tunnel: one minute it was there and the next it was gone. Unrecovered images from East Falls Town Watch’s surveillance cameras suggest a sentient being as opposed to residual energy. Also, it appears to have at least one middle finger.
October 5, 2019
East Falls, Germantown & environs
Paranormal Alert for NW Philly: Be on the lookout for a large, slithering entity known to emit from sewer lines, seeking to attach to vulnerable and/or suggestible individuals. At 8pm Sheila Bantworth of Henry Avenue called 911 to describe seeing a reptilian life form “about as long and wide as the bed” with scales that “glistened” and an unpleasant “curdled cheese” odor. The creature reads thoughts and whispers self-defeating messages into your ear when you’re asleep. If you see it, remain still and remind yourself you deserve to be happy.
October 11, 2019
Germantown, East Falls & environs
Rod Sir Ling, aged 68 experienced a sudden, then sustained levitation, high above the streets of Germantown at 11:27pm. He was walking north on Queen, when he stepped on a manhole cover and felt an odd vibration. The iron cover began to spin like a coin. Mr. Ling balanced the best he could until it leveled out. When it did, he realized that he was floating above the tree line.
He traveled, unwittingly to East Falls where the manhole cover dipped down to three feet off the ground and deposited him right in front of Cranky Joe’s bar. He took that as a message to continue drinking heavily until closing time. Mr. Ling reported the same story to his wife when he got home wearing somebody else’s shoes.
October 15, 2019
Chelten Train Station
The Ghost Train pulled into Germantown at midnight to pick up its ethereal passengers for the never-ending ride that is their collective purgatory. All aboard.
October 19, 2019
The Grass People grew tall and marched across Vernon Park to protest GHS development and to complain about the dog sh*t that’s all over them.
October 21, 2019
Deloise Detrix reported that after a trip to the local, secret “Moccinubeegtyme” waterfalls, when she had her film developed she noticed something hidden in the waterfall. We’re asking for your help. Please write in to the Paranormal Mailbag if you can see something hidden in the photograph. Thank you.
October 24, 2019
Adrienne Bioloxious reported that she was in a house on the 3300 block on Penn Street at a party. She swears that a painting of King Henry VIII above the mantle was watching her everywhere she went. (Bob Snargot, the party’s host, could not confirm.)
Stay vigilant! Report sightings and suspicions to firstname.lastname@example.org. And have a happy Halloween!