A common sense plea from the cheap seats
Hello to the dedicated correspondents of today’s White House press conferences! As a lifelong watcher of news programming, I feel well-qualified to speak on the objective failure we’re seeing these days.
What the hell are you doing? Reporters used to be our insiders in DC, listening and watching and making sure our leaders weren’t abusing the powers we gave them. Granted, so-called “access journalism” had its problems but what we have today is patently worse. You’re just chasing soundbites now. Competing with each other to see whose clip will be more shocking, more outrageous – more viral! Ca-ching, am I right?
I get it – news isn’t free. Clicks keep the lights on, and keep everybody paid. But it’s weird how you’re not even pretending to care. You clearly don’t give a flying f*ck about the role you’re supposed to play for the people. You’re the Fourth Estate, remember? We depend on you for information about life or death stuff. This isn’t a game.
What is the point of asking for the truth if you’ll accept any old lies? Does it occur to any one of you to ask a follow-up question? Forgive me if I’m telling you how to do your job, but seems to me if you all worked together, you could get to the bottom of some things pretty easily.
It’s not rocket science. If they give one reporter a wild data point, another reporter can fact-check it and ask for clarification. Then the next reporter can pick that answer apart. Just keep drilling as needed – respectfully, of course. Back in the day, there was a real professionalism to the briefing-room ritual. It wasn’t such a sideshow.
“Quiet, piggy!” Wouldn’t it have been wonderful if one of the many journalists present had asked right then and there, “Why did you think it was appropriate to call her piggy?” And “What do you mean by ‘piggy’?” and maybe “Have you ever called Melania piggy?” And then that’s the story: not just the outburst but what it reveals.
Of course they won’t like it, but tough. That’s the job you signed up for – it’s not your fault they’re gaslighting America. Why are you complying? Imagine the story if a few reporters stood up for once refused to let the daily nonsense machine keep humming.
Are you afraid to lose access? Oh boo hoo. Would it be so bad to be booted from this game? Because playing by their rules, you’re part of the problem.
What layers of grift, rot, and cover-up are hiding behind these sham press conferences? There’s no excuse for your lack of interest, not even self-protection. They can’t fire everyone – or, rather, if they do then we’ll know something about the ones who replace them.
Get in there! We need some of you to grow a backbone, please. Be brave, you can take the heat.
If you flame out right, it could be a real badge of honor. Go big while the cameras are on you. Keep pushing for answers. Wake us up. Make us proud. Thank you for your service, and your attention to this matter.
Signed, The Ghost of Newspapers Past 👻📰🪦
NEW PRESS PLAYBOOK
No journalism degree required here, just a working nonsense detector and a basic respect for reality. For any reporters still wondering how to cover a briefing-room ritual that’s turned into a daily dodgeball game, we humbly offer a few starter rules.
- The follow-up belongs to the room.
If one reporter gets dodged, the next one picks it up. That’s teamwork, baby. - Loose numbers need a leash.
If a statistic feels like it just wandered in off the street, ask where it came from. Then ask again. - Don’t quote the lie naked.
If a claim is false, flimsy, or floating in space, say so where readers can see it. - Abuse is not “spice.”
When officials mock, insult, or bully reporters, don’t treat it like color. Treat it like conduct. - Access is not the prize.
A seat at a toxic table is only useful if you’re willing to make the table uncomfortable. - Keep the cameras rolling.
If they refuse to answer, walk away, or melt down on mic, great. That’s the story: their lack of self control and responsibility.
Information is not a commodity. It’s how people make sense of the world, protect themselves, and decide what deserves their attention. When the truth gets packaged as just another product, the public pays the price.
Sheila Zolnoor is a Florida attorney and social media commentator known for sharp, no-nonsense takes on law, politics, and public accountability. @sheilove | @SheilaZolnoor
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