Missed Connections: AUGUST 2023

AUGUST is the Latin root for “the great one” – a title given to the first Roman emperor and a fitting name for a month whose astrological sign is the King of the Jungle.🦁 August also has the highest birth rate of all twelve months. The first week of August this year is International Clown Week 🤡 . On the 11th, the Dog Days of Summer will end; on the 17th the Cat Nights begin as the season’s first kittens reach sexual maturity, rowr. It’s also National Black Business Month.  ✊🏽💲💳

🌕🌕 There are two full moons this August, both are “supermoons” which will appear larger/closer than regular full moons. The sturgeon supermoon rises Tuesday August 1st ; August’s rare blue supermoon August 30 will be the biggest of the year.

August zodiac: Leo (the lion). Birthstone: peridot & onyx. Flower: gladiolus and poppy. Symbol: the sun. According to folklore, if August begins with a heatwave the following winter will be long; if the weather’s nice on St. Lawrence’s Day (Aug 10), it’ll be a mild fall; and if there’s a heavy fog in August, there’ll be a hard frost on that same day in October.

Noteworthy birthdays: Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Wilt Chamberlain, Magic Johnson, Kobe Bryant, Louis Armstrong, Neil Armstrong, Tom Brady, Hulk Hogan, Coco Chanel, Julia Child, James Baldwin, Andy Warhol, Lucille Ball, Jalen Hurts, Jason Momoa, Obama, Napoleon, Madonna, Hitchcock, Caligula, Coolio, Goethe, hip-hop, The Wizard of Oz, the Poppin’ Fresh Doughboy, the zipper, the Jeep, TV and frozen vegetables.

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SRT Dreamin’ — We were both out running early on a Sunday morning. The weather was glorious, but somehow you outshone it, confidently outpacing me in your snug, red, plunging unitard. What I wouldn’t give to be a droplet of sweat in your chest hair! I know you saw me, question is: are you interested? ~Fast & Furry

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According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star you’re actually a few million years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams. ~ Jiminy Cricket

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Liberty Comic Con – more than a convention, it’s a celebration, a homecoming, and a pop culture extravaganza.  AUG 4 – 6, Gr. Phila Expo Center @libertycomiccon

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Happy Camper seeks Outdoor Enthusiast! Who wants to join me this August for an awesome adventure in southern Vermont? I have years of experience and all the gear needed for an unforgettable backcountry experience. Campsite’s reserved, all I need is a free-spirited companion. You?  ~ The Human S’more

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Hello Mark in Fishtown. You may have noticed me parked beside you lately, a guy with dark glasses, in a black suit and skinny tie who occasionally seems to be writing something. Just want you to know I’m not surveilling you. Carry on as if I’m not here. Thanks. ~ Mr. X

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All things weird and wonderful at the Oddities & Curiosities Expo: taxidermy, vintage medical devices, goth clothing and mourning jewelry, funeral collectibles and so much more. AUG 19, Gr Phila Expo Center, advance tix just $10! @odditiesandcuriositiesexpo

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Attention Gingers! 🔥Fire Mirkens are finally back and on sale now @FuzzyBeavers. Time to match the drapes, gals. You know who you are!

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My dear Rhina: you are every bit as wonderous and magical as David Lee Roth’s t-shirt collection. I wanna wear you out! ~ Phil

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I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning and exercise. I was right. #dadjokes

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Dammit, Victor, I lost your email address — who still does email anyway? – and now I can’t seem to track you down. We know each other from the Valley Forge Casino, it’s been awhile but you’ve been on my mind so what the hell. If you see this, call Phoenixville Pete! PS I have your thing.

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🦕 DINOSAUR PETTING ZOO – featuring exciting herd of REAL (!)* dinosaurs, including a fully-tame adult T.Rex and a lively nursery where loveable baby dinos and their handlers charm and inform guests. Dino-rides, fossil digs, scavenger hunts and other great family photo ops. AUG 25 – 27, Gr. Phila Expo. Tix: Jurassicquest.com   (*not really)  🦖

33rd & Spring Garden, late afternoon. I was with a realtor, checking out a new apartment when you surprised us both with your hammering. It was pure electricity when our eyes connected. You are so gorgeous! Then you spoke, and my knees went weak. Of course we couldn’t chat long, but when you left a little part of me broke inside. I doubt you’ll see this but I’m sending out all my feelers to the Universe, hoping it’ll send you my way against all odds. ~ Single Black Female

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Community Hike: In the Footsteps of the First Peoples. Join local ecotherapist Krista Nelson, a 6th generation Lenape grandmother, for a guided nature hike on the Trolley Trail (2.5 miles).  SUN AUG 6 (9 – 11AM). Belmont Plateau. Pay what you can. Myphillypark.org

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However much you deny the truth, the truth goes on existing.  – George Orwell (1903 – 1940)

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Does anyone know Ed Ganza? He lived on Pine, near 17th, in the late 80’s. I’m an old friend and definitely not up to anything suspicious. He’ll totally be glad to hear from me! ~ M. Honeywell

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You can have my fireworks when you pry them from my cold dead fingers, which are right over there by the sidewalk.  #dadjokes

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Birds of the Trolley Trail – renowned birder Holger Pflicke leads a brisk bird hike in the woods around Belmont Plateau. Great opportunities for spotting thrushes, warblers, and woodpeckers plus lots of migrants returning to breeding grounds and gathering for winter migration. (3 miles, moderate hills) SUN AUG 20 (8 – 10AM). Pay what you can. Myphillypark.org

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🚨TRAITOR WATCH! These are the names of PA’s false electors in the 2020 election: Bill Bachenberg, Lou Barletta, Tom Carroll, Ted Christian, Bernadette Comfort, Sam DeMarco III, Marcela Diaz-Myers, Christ DiEsposti, Josephine Ferro, Charlie Gerow, Kevin Harley, Leah Hoopes, Ash Khare, Andrew McCoy, Lisa Patton, Pat Poprik, Andy Reilly, Suk Smith, Calvin Tucker. 🤬🤬🤬 #lockthemup

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Thank you, Buddy! You really saved my skin the other day, when I ran out of gas on Roosevelt Blvd. You were kind enough to pull over in your big red truck and take me to fill my gas can. While you accepted my token of gratitude, it wasn’t clear if you appreciated it or not. If you’d like I can give it another go. Call me!  ~ Thankful Theo

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I despise the term “productive member of society” because it’s just another way to reinforce the capitalist myth that our worth lies in our ability to produce, and in the value of what we produce. That’s messed up. We are all valuable, period. The birds don’t have to prove themselves worth of nesting space, we too are enough as we are.  ~ Zellie

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Playground Party for Grownups! Check out FDR Park’s new 2-acre play space before it opens to the public. Be one of the first to ride the Skyline Swing – the largest swing set on the continent! There are also slides, tree houses, log scrambles and more. Open for Adults Only this one special night, Thursday AUG 24 (6 – 9PM). Tix $75 ($100 at the door), includes food, drinks and performance by SNACKTIME. Myphillypark.org

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Sunnyside bus stop (City Ave) – God it was hot waiting for the 65 that day! I enjoyed our flirty conversation – wish I’d thought to ask your name but I got too distracted by the moron who ended up between us, yelling at a fifth grader that he needed to grow the F up. Could you hear anything else on your end?  ~Curious Chris

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Buy Plants! Support Art! End of summer fundraiser for IMPERFECT Gallery, all sizes of lovingly propagated houseplants – lots of varieties including succulents at affordable prices. Proceeds benefit beloved local art hub. Come browse! Yard sale items, as well. FRI/SAT AUG 4 & 5 (12 – 6PM), 5539 Germantown Ave

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A girl on TikTok just said “I would rather adjust my life to your absence than change my boundaries to accommodate your disrespect,” and I think a lot of people need to take that and really engrave it into our souls. #unlikelywisdom

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I will rise again! Like a phoenix that’s tripped over an extension cord, hurt its shoulder, and then awkwardly stood up. Gimme a sec, I’m a little dizzy.  #Oof

Abandoned Tracks with Kevin  – Explore the physical remains of a hidden trolley network in Fairmount Park. 4-mile loo through massive stone tunnels and historic bridge abutments dating back to 1897. Adults and teens 14+. SUN AUG 27 (10AM – 12:30PM); Meet at Chamounix Mansion hostel, pay what you can. Myphillypark.org

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The most valuable possession you can own is an open heart. The most powerful weapon you can be is an instrument of peace. -Carlos Santana, musician (b. 1947)

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Oh I’m in love with the Wawa Girl, rocking her “Hoagie Fest” tie-dye and giggling with her coworkers at the deli counter. The way you said “Number 121, ITALIAN!” made my heart soar! So enthralled, I was, with your grace and beauty that I walked off without paying. Sorry about that. I hope that doesn’t come out of your paycheck. ~ Gus in Penrose

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Missin’ My Kitten – Oh little Li-Li, where are you? Can’t tell if I’m blocked or you’re off social media again. Damn I miss the audio messages you’d leave for me, and the stolen moments we’d find at Debbie’s place. I’m sorry I got weird last year after all I said to win you back. Call me, I can explain! ~ Mr. Blankie

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Free! All-Abilities GOAT RAMBLE! Welcome all families and individuals with special needs to enjoy our farm with trained goats and therapy team. SAT AUG 5 (10am – 12pm); spaces limited, for reservations email kelly@phillygoatproject.org.

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You know you’re getting old when “friends with benefits” means having someone who can drive at night. #grannyjokes

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Academy of Music, late July. You have no idea how exciting it was to connect with a fellow musical theater fan! I thoroughly enjoyed our chat during intermission (despite interruptions from my college age son). You inspired me to watch a bootleg of your favorite musical when I got home! Would love to talk theatre with you again, over drinks and without distractions. Say yes! But don’t say Beetlejuice three times, lol. — Beetlejuice!

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$tressed out about $chool $hopping? Come get a FREE BACKPACK full of school supplies from Concord School House (historic Germantown). SAT AUG 19, from 10AM until we run out! Grades K – 12. No registration, just show up! Spread the word! concordschoolhouse.org

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You are the sky. Everything else, it’s just the weather. – Pema Chodron, Buddhist nun and author (b. 1936)

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Summer evening, south Philly. You rode up to Oregon Market on one of those e-bikes, locking it up a few feet away from where I was leaning. The first thing that struck me was your brightly-colored hair which seemed an ironic contrast to the sadness in your eyes. I did not expect your legs to be so hairy! But on you, it’s beautiful. Next time you shop here, say hi to the guy carrying bags for change in the parking lot. You’ll make my day! ~ Gary

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Hi there just checking in to say a person’s very existence can’t be “against your beliefs.” That’s called bigotry. Also if you find yourself discussing the needs of a particular group of people with others who are not from that group, you should be HIGHLY skeptical of any conclusions reached. Thanks!  #themoreyouknow

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☀️ SUMMER SALE: Around the Fire books and handmade candles. 25% – 75% off! 📚🕯️ **FREE** nouvauxmarket.com 🛒 Open Mic Sunday 8/23 at the Fallser Club, signups begin 5:30pm BYO food & beverages. 3721 Midvale Ave, East Falls

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Traitor Watch! Names of PA’s false electors in the 2020 election: Bill Bachenberg, Lou Barletta, Tom Carroll, Ted Christian, Bernadette Comfort, Sam DeMarco III, Marcela Diaz-Myers, Christ DiEsposti, Josephine Ferro, Charlie Gerow, Kevin Harley, Leah Hoopes, Ash Khare, Andrew McCoy, Lisa Patton, Pat Poprik, Andy Reilly, Suk Smith, Calvin Tucker. #lockthemup

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YOU’RE INVITED! Roxborough Back to School Bash at the Starfinder Foundation (4014 Main Street). Free family fun! Snacks, entertainment, giveaways, resources, haircuts, and more. SAT AUG 12 (11AM – 2PM)  @IntercommunityAction

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When the new pot dispensary looks and operates like an Apple Store, it’s time to release a lot of incarcerated human beings. A lot, a lot. #lethemout

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Booze on the Move! It’s M&M Mobile Bartending at your service. Affordable packages for any event. Expert and insured. Ask about our Donut Wall! Mmmobilebarcompany.com

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A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit, “What’ll ya have?” The rabbit replies, “I dunno, I’m just hear cause of autocorrect.” 🤣🤣🤣 #dadjokes

We hope you have enjoyed this Month’s MISSED CONNECTIONS!

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About Karl Von Lichtenhollen 65 Articles
Dr. Karl Von Lichtenhollen is a doctor and fellow of the Applied Knowledges at Blödsinn Universität in Munich, Germany (1973). He was born and raised in the Nether Regions area of Holland, near Tainte, which he refers to fondly as a "Dutch Wonderland." Dr. Lichtenhollen once shared a houseboat in Amsterdam with the cast of a geriatric production of HAIR, inspiring his famous essay, "That Which I Cannot Unsee." He is a three-time recipient of the "Iron Feather" award. His hobbies include ascots, Highland wool sweaters and his pipe. He has a cat.

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