Missed Connections: February 2026

📣 DR. KARL’S CALLOUTS FOR FEBRUARY📣  Naomi: If it started at Lucky’s and ended at the bus stop, that’s still a decision. | @afterlastcall: Once you’re whispering in a dark doorway, you already know it’s a bad idea. | Priya: The yoga studio isn’t judging you. The group chat is.  | Trev: The reason you’re so hurt is those weren’t your boots. | Avery: You need to tell that lady at the post office to mind her own business.

Falconer Seeks Open Land – I’m getting a lanner falcon chick this spring and seek to rent an area roughly the size of a soccer field this summer and fall. Need to train that jawn to hit the lure! No kids or pets, but adults may watch if absolutely still and silent. Call Alistair my butler (he’s off Mondays). ~ Mr. W.L. Elkins, IV

🚗❄️ Save Your Spot! Realistic lightweight snow drifts 3D printed to order. A practical and affordable solution for convenient winter parking. @DaveSaves

Rainforest Vibes 🌴🪷FEB 22: Community yoga in a lush greenhouse setting at Fairmount Park Horticulture Center. (11:15 am – 12:15pm) | $15 @myphillypark

We fought over an exquisite Mexican shawl at @RedHouseVintage and while I won fair and square, gotta say you have very strong arms for an old white lady. Hope we shop together again sometime. #eastfalls

Imagine living on a planet with kittens and starry skies and sandwiches and choosing to spend your time terrorizing people. 💔💔💔

Full Spectrum Vibes 🌈🙌 I’m a communicative, reliable finish specialist who likes helping people fall back in love with their space. If your walls need a new color, I’m your girl. 💕 ~ Interior Painting by Rachel on Thumbtack.

Seeking Skeletor: A macilent build just calls to me. I don’t mean to be shallow — I simply prefer restraint. Bones are pure form. Skin is a compromise. Sinew a distraction. Muscle and fat need not apply. ~ J. Sprat, Jr.

BYO Bootlicker to the Penitentiary this February for a special video installation of civil rights leaders speaking from behind bars. Because we used to arrest people for sitting at the wrong lunch counter. See why we protest ICE now, dummy? Easternstate.org

My favorite micro aggression is misspelling peoples names in emails when they’re being shitty. Sorry, Bryan. Brian? Brianne? Brain? ~ Jess Michelle

Ok, we went to Temple together like 5 years ago. We were college sweethearts. I STILL don’t know why we broke up. It felt like a weird fade. We had something good Barry, we should barge through that Pandora’s box together again. Jump right in, because we HAD something. Right? ~ Tina PS on Fridays I’m at that coffee place we used to go to on Cecil.

The man who invented the wind chill factor has sadly passed away. He was 98 but felt like 85. Now he is 6 below. #dadjokes

$10 Senior Meals Delivered to Your Door! Incl. entrée, salad, dessert. Mon – Sat. 445-309-6137 @SouthernKomfortKitchens

What do we think, guys? Is it a red flag if he shows up to your first date in disguise? He looked just like his profile pic but with a moustache and fake nose. He watched me for awhile and then disappeared to send me a text he was “running late.” Then he showed up in the same exact outfit like nothing happened. He’s really cute tho and he drives a 911. ~ Going For It

Swear to god. There I am in Gorgas Park, 3am, January 27. A windstorm from the north. Fire and lightning. Wheels within wheels, full of eyes. Creatures with too many faces moving without turning. I thought this was it but turns out they weren’t here for me. They took Harry and Gabbie from down the block. Where are they now? I don’t know. That’s my missed connection. Stay safe everyone. ~ Brother Topaz

Society is like a stew. If you don’t keep it stirred up you get a lot of scum on the top. ~ Edward Abbey, naturalist and author (1927-1989)

I got all prepared to go shovel my front again and it was two guys doing my two female neighbors he said you need some help, I say I ain’t gonna turn it down. He did my front for me. I try to pay him but he wouldn’t take it…Here’s to the good men… ~ Nadine on Pulaski (1/26/26)

Hi this is Myrna in Olney, my grandfather has dementia and since he started a new medication he’s been wandering off more than usual. If you see him near the Big G laundromat, please text. PS don’t let him use your phone

You’re hired! Salary to commensurate with experience the way a loyal bar stool commiserates with your life choices: silently, patiently, and with just enough support to keep you upright. Take your time deciding, things aren’t changing anytime soon. ~ Mgmt.

Fun, Fermented! 🥒💞 Celebrate Valentine’s Day with NW Salty Singles, where speed dating meets bobbing for pickles. Pretenses drop quickly, when we all have garlic breath and reek of brine. RSVP $20 (includes one large kosher dill from Hymie’s).

Can anyone recommend a good crypto realtor? I’ve got my eye on a virtual high-rise with sweeping views of the metaverse. Please hurry, this deal seems almost too good to be true. ~ Sam (DMs open)

Marriage Tip: Every time you talk to your wife your brain should remember that this conversation is being recorded for training and quality purposes. Anything you say can and will be used for reference in the future. #ValentinesDay

Love Stinks, Historical Edition: If you think your dating history is embarrassing, Laurel Hill West has the dirt on 100+ years of iconic affairs, revenge, betrayals… You can bury a body, but not the past! Who’s with me? This feels healthier than spiraling this Valentine’s Day. SAT FEB 14 (1pm – 3pm) $25 @LaurelHillPHL

Dammit, Darrin, listen to me carefully. My future self time-traveled back to now so I could warn us about some mortal threat that needs our help. Unfortunately, I’m a real jerk in the future. Before I could tell myself what we need to do, we got into a heated argument.  Long story short, I defended myself and now future me is dead. But not if I don’t time-travel back here from there, right? You’re the quantum guy — you tell me!!!! ~ B. Pilgrim

This message is for Carl. Saw your ad seeking a roof walker. Normally, I am a ceiling crawler, but I think I can make the switch pretty easy. Call me back. Iykyk.

Women are told that we can catch more flies with honey, but I can catch plenty with your hollowed-out carcass. So this can go either way. #choices

⚠️Busted pipes? Clogged potty? Hot water heater on the fritz? Wayne Singleton is a local plumber who can do it all at prices so fair he can’t afford better advertising. Call 215-378-7011. As seen on Living in Germantown.

Models Needed! I am a licensed cosmetologist working on certifications in facials, waxing, mani/pedi, hair coloring, and keratin treatments. All services performed under instructor supervision. Book Desiree Nicole at Empire Beauty School (Wyncote): 215-817-4195

COVID, measles, and the flu walk into a bar… Bartender says, “What is this, some kind of sick joke?” #dadjokes

🍀Getting’ Jiggy With It! Early bird tix going fast for an evening of Irish music and song at Mt. Airy’s Commodore John Barry Center. SAT MAR 21 (8PM) 🎻🪕🥁

Look, it’s not like I’m so obsessed with merpeople because I want to be one. There’s more to it! To me it’s the allure of being one with the vast and mysterious sea! With a sinuous upper body, and my bottom half streamlined into a powerful tail that thrusts me swiftly through endless salty currents. Ok maybe I do want to be one. Cool. ~ Stu

Saw you sketching leaves and lichens at Pretzel Park (1/10) Having major regrets about making that “feeled notes” joke, as you said I would. As a peace offering, I will refrain from attending the nature journaling event at the Discovery Center SAT FEB 21 (10am – 12pm). Have fun without me!  @DiscoveryPhila

Is this what MLK meant when he said white America would rather throw away democracy and embrace “a native form of fascism” to preserve their power? 👀👀👀 #winning

Pawsitive Training! Registration open for Dog Savvy Summer Camp, where kids 8+ to learn canine behavior, boundaries, and communication. Professors Bear, Luna, and Loki will ensure your child’s fun and safety.   @brightenuppup

Germantown Dog Killer: whoever you are who ran over my dog on Wayne Ave (btw Seymour & Clapier) — I’ve seen the video. You could’ve stopped or swerved but you hit my poor baby and just kept going. You are a horrible person. I hope we find you. ~ Juju L.

Every noon as the clock hands arrive at twelve, / I want to tie the two arms together, / And walk out of the bank carrying time in bags. ~ Robert Bly, American poet (1926-2021)

SOS: Local Heroes Needed! Save toads this spring or volunteer at the @SchuylkillCenter’s Wildlife Clinic. Two special training sessions SAT FEB 7. 🐸 Toads: 1pm – 2pm; 🧑‍⚕️ Clinic: 2:30pm – 3:30pm. FREE.

Add some pizzazz to your sign offs: With holy fear, Regards, but not too many, Do less, God bless, On my tippy toes, Life is indeed a highway, Sent from my LG smart fridge, Jazz hands, Here for the income not the outcome. Follow me for more office hacks! @skibidislacker

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Our heating bill is outrageous and six raccoons got in last night. Please, God, this has to stop.

After a decade of close calls, it finally happened. Our friend Dave who we call “The Mingler” met our other friend, Janice –  “The Lingerer”. They’re a couple now and if you invite them over, they’ll talk to everyone and never leave. We need a plan for summer, family meeting 2/21 text Billy. ~ The Russos

Release the Epstein Files in Spanish! Maybe then MAGA will get upset about them.

Singer Needed for East Coast tour with The Hot Flashes, a rising local GenX grrrrl punk band promoting our new LP “Draggin’ Karen.” Must scream on pitch with sexy crone energy. Call Barb. 🎤🤘🧙‍♀️

Hello? I meant what I said. I’m struttin’ my stiff!!! Ha! No complaints down here at the laundry, they know what I’m talking about. Yes sir!! Must be Easter cause He Is Risen!!! Hoooooooooo <unintelligible>

Get serious about voting
Unplug from outrage
Anchor your spending locally
Reinforce local media
Distinguish people from regimes

People Not in the Epstein Files: drag queens, transgender athletes, librarians, Black journalists, SNAP recipients, workers on strike, the cast of Sesame Street, “radical left scum.” Release them all! #accountability

We’re all stories in the end.  – Dr. Who #11

We hope you have enjoyed this Month’s MISSED CONNECTIONS! 

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