JUNE’s got big “main character energy”—and the moon’s not helping. On the 11th, the Full Moon hits in Sagittarius, a sign known for bold moves, blunt truths, and spontaneous overshares. Think midnight confessions, sidewalk karaoke, or suddenly deciding your barista is The One (again).
Then the sun cranks up as we head to the solstice June 20, and Philly’s steaming like a cart of dirty wooder dogs. Plunge in and take a bite! It’s not just Pride Month & Juneteenth, June is also the official month for roses, iced tea, accordions, cat adoption, men’s health, and <checks notes> giving out bunches of balloons.
Clearly it’s a month where anything can happen! And if you’re looking for a party, follow the polka music….
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I was all smiles for the Wissahickon cutie by the coffee shop parking lot. When you smiled back, I tripped over my dog’s leash. Wish I had said hello! Or maybe I did but I don’t remember on account of the concussion. See you around! ~ Marti
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My unflinching devotion to materialism is the source of my overwhelming hope, and is the fuel of my sunny disposition. Buy, buy, buddies! #TACO 🐔📉
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He said his ex named his boat the SS Minnow, but I didn’t get the joke until we pulled up to the marina, and sir you are seriously deluded if you think you’re sailing around the world in that floating deathtrap. Ladies, watch out for this Gilligan waiting to happen! ~ Three Hour Tourist
Honeysuckle nectar! Who taught you to pinch the ends and pull out that one perfect drop of sweetness? You showed me. And now every summer, I think of you whenever I smell them. If you see this, please meet me at the Schuylkill Center on June 14th at 11am for a class on how to eat more of this ambrosial local landscaping. ~ Capt Snacks
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So y’all are OK paying taxes to send people to prison but sending them to college is where you draw the line? Lol ok. @hodayum
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Attention Buffs! My stuff is amateur but it’s deeply authentic and I think you will love it. Plus I have an added incentive to make it humanly irresistible. If you’d like to know more, don’t hesitate to reach out to Chickpee. #WetEnvelope
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To the couple having sex in Leverington cemetery in broad daylight, please stop. This is revolting to see. – Emily M. #KeepItClassyRoxborough
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🛶🐟🦦🐲❓ What’s In the Rezzie?! 👀 FREE paddling on the wilds of a former urban watering hole. First come, first served. JUNE 14 (10AM – 4PM) Ages 8+ @discoveryphila
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Girls in elf ears – HOT! Amiright? 🧝♀️🔥 I don’t know what it is about pointy ears, but I can’t be the only one. They should make earrings for the top of your ears that can like poke out through your hair. That would be cool. I’m Luke but you can call me Elrond. 🏹✨
Yo, kids, it’s Satan, here. Stop blaming me for your democracy crisis. I do sex, drugs & rock ‘n roll – not tariffs, elections, and bloodless coups. Even your last non-bloodless one was of no interest to me. Leave me out of your stupid boring politics. @TheRealLucifer
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My friend runs a battery kiosk at the park. Basically, she sells C cells by the seesaw. #dadjokes
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Freedom is not free is what my T-shirt said when you commented on it. Great convo, sorry we lost track in my search for the Porta potties. Hope you see this and remember the hot senior Adonis who turned you on at the car show. ~ Bobby K. PS ever seen a whale skull?
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Working class people around the world have no innate desire to go to war with each other. They have to be conned into it by the sociopaths who will profit from it. ~ John Lennon, the best Beatle (1940 – 1980)
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Wrong again, Tessa! You said “goodbye” when it was really a “badbye” – the worst, in fact, but the best good riddance I’ve ever felt. Your exit wound really lets in the light! #ShineOnUCrazyDiva
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We met on a bench beneath the Keith Haring mural to draw index cards and complete our chosen tasks. Everyone loved your enthusiasm but we’re not all sure you can be trusted with the secret scrolls. Change my mind. ~ Devan the Anointed
To the pretty lady buying mulch and flowers in that oddball market near East Falls train station: you made the cutest grunts loading your car! I pretended to be checking my phone so I could stand there and listen. #CornerStoreCrush
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To the cat-caller in the turquoise Toyota on Umbria St: I was walking my Trained Protection Doberman while you slowed downed to harass me before you blew the stop sign and drove off. Look, you. Next time your window’s down, and you think you’re gonna demand my attention or anyone else’s with your little whistle shit? Think twice buddy. My dog will eat your smug face. You’re lucky you were in a car, when he got his sight on you. This is a warning 🙂 Cheyenne K. @RoxRantsRaves
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🔖Terry I just found your super corny poem in the pages of my old Infinite Jest. Remember those days? You’d write stories, too, longhand on yellow legal pads we scored cheap at the dollar store on Broad. I almost married you! Hope you’re well or, at least, still kicking. It wouldn’t kill you to pick up the phone, if you see this. ~ Sam
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True Story: I’m so awesome that Frank Sinatra did it MY way. ~ Duke of Midvale 🎩🥃 🚬
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Look out! Lost Contact in NE Philly! For my left eye. It popped out in Applebee’s parking lot and it was dark and I couldn’t find it. My doc said it’s disposable but I don’t like the idea of it out there, seeing stuff on its own. ~ Mr Peeps
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You’re the yes to my no. You’re the stop to my go. You’re the dim to my glow. You’re the ice to my flow. You’re the ground, I’m the hoe. Dig it? ~ Compost Malone 🌱💅 #soilmates
No one’s to blame when she walks into the room, and all eyes turn to her. It’s not her fault she’s the only woman. It’s not her job to make up the difference. It’s not on us to make you see this. Don’t you shame us when we’re gone. #DEIYiyi 💼🚪🕳️
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Local wood nymphs unite! TERRA calls us all to immerse in sylvan synergy with a troupe of ageless, formless, eternal beings alive with art, dance and haunting aural accompaniment. June 13, 14, 20, 21 (6 – 7:30pm) and June 15 & 22 (2 -3:30pm) No ghillie suit required, but it doesn’t hurt. #MossConnection
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⚠️Narcan isn’t just for addicts! It’s for your friend if her drink gets spiked, the toddler who picked something up in the park, a teen experimenting, a senior who forgot they already took their meds, for someone who’s in a bad place, and made a bad choice. Narcan and insulin should both be free. @PhillyHarmReduction @PreventionPoint
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Newsflash: PBS didn’t “become woke” – you grew up to be a bad person! Follow me for more hard truths about reality. @NoFs2Give
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ISO MY VINTAGE DIOR PURSE – I lost it 5/25 in East Falls, somewhere between the Fallser Club and the train station. I may have stopped at Murphy’s too. Also I remember a room with a Twister on the ceiling. REWARD Call Dina
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Hey let’s maybe not eat crab legs in McMichael Park and throw the shells all over the ground. Especially sense there’s dogs and little kids running around there constantly. They could choke, or have a shellfish allergy. ~ Alex B @EastFallsRants
This is for all my friends who are constantly telling me to grow a pair. Well if I could grow a pair of something it would be antennae, and I would tune into all your secrets and reprogram your brains if possible. That would show you. ~ Dave
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Back away from the Uncle Ben’s! Unless you wanna be eating arsenic with your rice. We go to the HMart every third Thursday for sushi rice, which is safest (but you still need to rinse). To join our carpool, text the #OnigiriGurls
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A waitress asked me if I wanna box for my leftovers. We went three rounds before she knocked me out. #dadjokes
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There’s no evidence that prayer in school improves grades, but one study found kids who ate breakfast at school scored 17.5% higher on standardized math tests. Food for thought! #Feedkids
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Does nobody want to impress Jodie Foster anymore? 👀👀👀 #darkhumor
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4th St Phantasm: Conspiring with yourself in the corner, smiling. Sucking on a bergamot. Your face matched the bitter sourness exactly. Requesting The Pretenders—over and over. Dancing alone with ruthless abandon. One thing’s for sure: there’s only one of you. ~ Foggy Mirror
☮️ 🐝🐝🐝 Chill, humans, we mean you no harm! Sure it hurts when a bee stings you but have you ever thought about it from our side? Ya can’t live with half a thorax, you know! We’ll tell you all about it at the Navy Yard’s “Mindful Beehive” tour. Let our friends at Half Mad Honey show you we’re just trying to vibe and pollinate. 6/12 (12pm), 6/14 (1pm) FREE 🍯🕊️🌻
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Maybe it’s just me, but deporting brown people from Mexico and importing white people from South Africa feels pretty darn racist. 🤔 #ICUBoo 👀👀👀
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🪦😳 Someone posted about a couple having sex in Leverington cemetery in broad daylight the other day. Today I witnessed four people having sex at the cemetery while trying to visit my dead relative. A cemetery is not a swingers club, please stop. Patrick Kelly @Rox Rants Raves
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Traffic in a jam / One woman, one act of rage / Still steaming, they say. #DelcoProud 💩🚗🔥
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Fresh-brewed tea or lemonade? You’d think these are simple treats that don’t require special training, but you’d be wrong. Find out how much you don’t know at this refreshing workshop June 18 (noon) on the central green of the Navy Yard. FREE. @UrbanHomestead-ish
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Wanna know one way this neighborhood has gotten worse? I remember when the ACME, ShopRite. and the A&P all had large fish tanks right out in front of their seafood departments with lobsters inside. Live lobsters, crawling around, being weird. Actually, maybe that’s a way the neighborhood has improved. We probably don’t need to be doing that anymore. I don’t know. But as a kid it was cool AF. ~ Adrian H. on Rox Rants Raves
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JURASSIC PARK SEQUEL IDEA 🦖🧬 3 Million AD. The humans are extinct. The dino-scientists find mosquitoes with human blood. Guess who they clone? Jeff. Frickin. Goldblum. Except they’ve mixed up the mosquito DNA with Goldblum’s. Surprise, dickheads! This is now a sequel to The Fly. 🪰 🔥 🎤 <mic drop>
Now me, folks, it’s God. Put me down for everything Satan said, plus stop pretending you know what I care about. You can’t just declare yourself “blessed” — that’s not how it works. #HellYeah 👁️🗨️😈🌩️🔥
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Did anyone hear a loud boom? – Miranda PS it’s 10:30 pm Thursday
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<✨ PLEASE INSERT DIVINE TRIBUTE HERE ✨> Email me your incantations and a deserving goddess will reverberate your message to the heavens. Not a scam. Kindly, the Medium Formerly Known as Beth
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To the guy on a bike that just rear-ended my car when I was stopped at a red light: why are you cursing at me? I was sitting still! 🤣 — Steve M @RR+R (May 7)
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My wife told me that she likes taking pictures of people in their bathrooms. She had me going for a minute. #dadjokes
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Said hello to a tall older Black woman at the food market near Chew Ave. She told me to call her Paula something I forget. My friends think she’s quite a catch. I’m sure tryin to find out!! Call Jerry in Germantown!
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We hope you have enjoyed this Month’s MISSED CONNECTIONS!
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