Missed Connections: November 2019

For your business and pleasure. Painstakingly assembled, without instructions, by Dr Karl Von Litchenhollen

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NOVEMBER 2019

ULTIMO NOV 7: Red hoodie, funky New Balance boots. Shot in the dark but we talked about Khalik Allah and how his “Souls” vibe could play well in Gtown. I think you said your name was Jackson? It’s weird how much we have in common, pretty sure it’s a sign. — Decaf Deenie

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I popped my tire on a broken 1 of 3 Yards Brawler glass bottles right past the tracks on Indian Queen Lane. Great beer. Doosh move.  – Chris

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To the PepBoys employee leaving the parking lot that incessantly beeped at the kids crossing the drive way who then proceeded to speed through auto zones parking lot to bang a left onto Henry ave.. stop it! We all sit in traffic and hate that light, you aren’t special. One PepBoys employee plowing down a person in the streets is enough. Looking forward to condos in the near future!  — Elisha

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Hello y’all! I am a Personal & Relationship therapist NOW ACCEPTING clients in Germantown. Individuals, polycules, groups, couples, organizations and families of all kinds. Kathryn Ewersewersmft@gmail.com (724) 436-2048.  (Dr. K notes a “polycule” is the word for a polyamorous couple with more than two individuals.)

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I have been fantasizing about a Flaming Turkey Sandwich from Brothers for the last 7 years. Can’t wait for the new East Falls Deli to open where Laxmi’s closed. Thanks, Sowisdrals for making my dreams come true.  – Estella

This is a message for Renee on Greene Street: I don’t know who you think you playing but Gerald tells me everything. I see you, girl. The more lies you spin, the more stuck you get.  — Diallo

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Pro Tip: I recently learned how to work the “internet” on my “computer.” If you haven’t heard about it yet, you will soon, it’s very popular with the young people. I’ve been in “The Net”, or “The Web” for almost 30 days now and I discovered something that you probably don’t know. The “Internet” is a treasure trove of pornography. What’s better, you can “search a Google” (it’s complicated) for pretty much whatever turns you on: doilies, dentures, hunky firemen, frilly aprons, double penetration  — it’s all a “click” away. Ask a millennial to show you.

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OPEN CALL Looking for Seinfeld Fans in Roxborough/Germantown/East Falls for newly-forming Seinfeld Tribute Company. We will be performing scenes from Seinfeld episodes live every week for online audiences and people who come by my garage where the stage is. Also all ages/races/genders/etc considered for all roles except I get to be Jerry.  — Budd

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I wonder if people really don’t know that you are legally supposed to STOP when there is a pedestrian in the crosswalk? I’ve almost been hit at the crosswalk on Ridge several times and I constantly see drivers blow right through there. I was just stopped to let a man and two dogs walk across and they were almost hit by a completely clueless driver coming the other way. If you didn’t know, now you do; Please-as a driver, stop for pedestrians at crosswalks!! – Amy

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Sighted Oct 12th at Wissahickon & Price (10/12). Two brown hens, black tailfeathers. Escapees from Grumblethorpe’s farm (part of their homesteading & education programming). Guess they were a feeling a little cooped up. lol Just when I think it’s time to leave Facebook there are lost urban chicken posts and I am pulled back in… Tiffany, Allie, Teresa & Joanna

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Holiday Poem
May your stuffing be tasty,
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

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** Cafe St. Luke’s is Open **
At St. Luke’s Episcopal Church Germantown (5421 Germantown Avenue). Hours: Tuesday 10:30 – 12:30 and Saturdays 1:30 – 3:30 for chatting, games, coffee and snacks — and help with resumes and job interview skills. Come on out!

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Don’t be seduced into thinking that that which does not make a profit is without value. -Arthur Miller, playwright and essayist (17 Oct 1915-2005)

Elections are over….Good News/ Bad News…The Good news/music is on Gtown Radio…Our Broadcast week begins on Wednesdays at noon 92.9 FM and on -line at gtownradio.com

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We’ve mourned, Latrice, we’ve faced our loss together. We’ve comforted each other maybe a little too much. I think that’s why things fell apart like they did. But damn, woman. I can’t lose you too! How can we pick up the pieces? I’ll move back home if you move him out. We can start there and see what happens. — Leon

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Lucille, I am so thrilled that are also into baking Willem DaFoe Shrinky Dinks. I can’t wait to make them together in your oven with the really big window. Oh how they will curl in the heat! Is it weird that I like to clap as I watch?  ~Andre

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Made Out on Murphy’s Deck!
It was a Saturday night, the place was overheating and we’d both stepped outside for some fresh air and, ironically, a smoke. Me: SWM, educated, 6′, 180 on the lean side with a full beard and tortoiseshell glasses. You: WM, 5’9″ish, clean-shaven and boyish yet some gray so I guess you’re at least 30. Tasted like you had their new fried chicken sandwich! Kicking myself for losing you in the crowd. Hope we meet again. — Dave

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East Falls Night Sleepers, Receiving department, 3 A.M., staff cuts have socked up the overage. Directives are posted, no callbacks, complaints. Everywhere is calm. Hong Kong is present, Taipei awakes. All talk of circadian rhythm. I see today with a newsprint fray. My night is colored headache gray ~Daysleeper

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From our Friends at the Tookany/Tacony Watershed Partnership:

Learn the benefits of converting part of your grass into a meadow to beautify your property, attract pollinators, and make local creeks cleaner. Presenters will discuss native plant meadow techniques and challenges. Find out which attractive wildflowers and native grasses can thrive on your property to attract birds and butterflies!

This is a FREE event, light dinner will be provided.

WHEN: Saturday, November 14 from 6 pm to 8 pm
WHERE: Basilian Spirituality Center, 710 Fox Chase Road, Jenkintown 19046 — next to Manor College (map)
RSVP: ryan@ttfwatershed.org or 215.744.1853
https://ttfwatershed.org/event/lawn-to-meadow-workshop/

Rite Aid on Chew  I was sitting outside in my car, reading my phone and guess you didn’t see me cause you popped my door open and started screaming. I screamed back and we just screamed at each other, till you started laughing and I really thought I was going to die at the hands of a madwoman. But no! We drive the same car, yours was parked one aisle over. Had to laugh, too. And I think I felt a spark? We both lingered a little longer than we needed to. You had black hair, pink highlights, red lipstick. Hope you see this! Hit me up with the car we drive.  — Jasen

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Hark, Claudie! History shall bear out that you shall hoist yourself with your own petard. (Don’t mind me, I’ll wait.)  ~Hammie

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Susanna, now that I know the circumstances when we broke up, it occurs to me that all those heartbreak songs I would sing along and cry with – lyrics of betrayal, despair, abandonment, bitter sweets, rejection — you were also crying when you heard them. I just couldn’t see your sorrow thru my tears. How sad & ironic: it was me who left us, not you who left me. I’m sorry, wherever you are.   ~D

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Election Day at Pickett Charter — Haven’t voted in years but recognized you immediately, still working the polls like always. And still so hot! I pretended I didn’t understand how the new voting machine works just so you would keep talking to me. I had on a pair of purple ostrich cowboy boots and you said I looked like I might be trouble. My dear, you have no idea! Would you like a hint? Please respond. My name is Tamarate.

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Heads Up, East Falls!

Recently about 12AMish I was walking from the bus stop at Coulter and Henry, coming from work. At Calumet and Warden (by the library) I had my phone out for a minute to reply to a text. A woman was walking towards me. I finished my text, and put my phone away. As I passed her, I heard her mumble, “Damnit I coulda had that phone, f-ck him!” I was sketched out, but we both kept walking and nothing came from it. Description: white female, dark hair, around 5 foot 8ish. Late 20s/early 30s. Baggy sweatshirt and jeans, with a backwards baseball cap. Looked rough, possibly drunk/high. Just a reminder to be alert. – David

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Moonflower, I met you in full lunar bloom, your three sheets to the wind. I crave more.  ~Winken B. Nodd

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J,  You are the only one who ever shut me up and made me shy. Whenever I think of Germantown High, your face comes up and either I’m laughing or crying. Never in-between, with you. Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder whose life you’re crashing through now.    ~D

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To the thief who took my anti-depressants – I hope you are happy!!  — Margorie on Price

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Stumbled upon a great new boutique that just opened on the corner of Wayne Ave and Queen Ln! It’s called Labeled. The owner was so nice and welcoming, and her clothing was gorgeous. She has a mix of new and used items, along with some designer stuff too. Me and my mom (who has a very different style than I do) both saw some really unique pieces we liked. I will definitely shop here again and I’m hoping she continues to get more business from the neighborhood.  Catherine

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**HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US**
The Local Newspaper is 5 Years Old
Come celebrate and see our new office
245 West Chelten Ave (Chelten & Pulaski)
Thurs November 14, 6:30 – 8:30pm
Welcome East Falls & Germantown neighbors
for a free festive evening with staff and friends.

What Everyone Should Know about Federal Taxes:
Anthony, a paralegal at Philadelphia Legal Assistance, helps low-income people solve their problems with the IRS. On Thursday, November 14, from 10:00 – 10:30 am he will host a special Facebook Live presentation just for Living in Germantown: All Together, and will also answer tax questions from group members.
Topics include: Avoiding scams, finding reliable tax preparers, what to do if you owe the IRS and can’t pay, worker misclassification (employee vs independent contractor), and where to go for free tax help. This presentation is for federal taxes only, not property taxes or state/local taxes.

Reminder: This is a public forum, so if your tax question is specific to you or involves your personal information, contact Philadelphia Legal Assistance directly: https://philalegal.org/getlegalhelp You must be a Philadelphia resident with middle or low income.

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Germantown has an incredible bike “superhighway” to Center City in the form of Forbidden Drive to Kelly Drive. But few pathways to access it, and very few bike lanes overall. What gives?  Christian

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Vote no on Marsy’s law! We can protect victims without undermining the constitutional rights of the accused. – American Civil Liberties Union

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Patrice, I confess: our meeting was no random accident. I have been hoping to talk to you since I caught a glimpse your be-ribboned braids passing by the window at Ultimo late this summer. So glad I finally got the chance. ~Fredricke

Brave Ladies Only: Are you prepared to reach the summit of womanly delights? Think of me as your sherpa to the highest heights of ecstasy. If you’re ready, affix a red flower to your coat or hair. I will soon signal my presence, and together we can begin our journey. Call me Tenzing, and trust my expertise.

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HOLIDAY COOKING TIP: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.

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The road rage is strong as I drive down School House today. I’m sorry but I don’t give a rat’s ass if your car is nicer than mine. I have the right of way and you can suck a big bag of dicks! That is all.  – Miss B

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Phatt Rhonda shakin down the Avenue. One, two, three heads turn. Lead us not into temptation. Oh but what if it’s too late? Brother Darin

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Listen, Corine. All I’m asking is are 2 humans really meant to live together for the rest of their lives – every day, every night? Because it doesn’t sound natural to me. People tire of each other.

Take Bob. My best friend. Love the guy — would take a bullet for him, no lie. But could I spend every waking minute with the dude? No way! I don’t care who it is, or what kind of relationship: people get sick of people. That’s all I’m saying. ~Tom

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Walking your puppy on Midvale — he was cute! But not as cute as you. Rocking your purple sweater and those black suede pumas. I’m not the kind of girl to say hello to a guy I don’t know but I will look out for you and maybe get your attention by tripping into you arms or spilling soda on you or something.  — Kathy

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Yo, East Falls — I went cougar hunting the other weekend. Yowza. Didn’t realize I should’ve brought my elephant gun. What’s in the water here, butter? You guys need a salad bar or something. Just sayin.’  ~Dick

Marlin: We met on Plenty of Fish and I feel our first date went swimmingly. While I know we agreed we were just trolling I’m now wondering if we could be sole mates. I don’t want to be shellfish but I think we’d have a whale of a time in a relationship. ~Gil

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When small men begin to cast big shadows, it means that the sun is about to set. -Lin Yutang, writer and translator (10 Oct 1895-1976)

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Hey skinny old man with the Kinks t-shirt and ratty Converse high tops scuffling down Germantown Avenue late on Sunday evening around Halloween. At first I thought you were supposed to be Riff Raff from Rocky Horror but it turned out you were just drunk and very haggard. I gave you a ride home, then you surprised me with the biggest baddest Frank N Furter of my dreams. Sometimes I drive by your house but I won’t knock unless you want me to.   — Coodie

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Lisa, when I referred to your personal style as “Disheveled Nerd” I had meant it in the best possible way. It’s a cute look on you! Honest! Please speak to me again at Gtown Hubb meetings.  ~Benjamin

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Heads up on the 34 block of Tilden St..yesterday a strange tall white guy, brown hair who appeared to be on something was standing in the ally right in back of my house directly overlooking my back deck. We have a dead bolt on the patio door but very creepy. He made a comment about making my dog a present because he was barking at him. He ran off. Told my dad who is is a retired Philly police Captain. Be aware, lock ur doors and windows!!!!!!  — Gina

Rain Dance Studios
We are a full PAY WHAT YOU CAN dance studio that just opened our doors in October! Our recital is in June! We have TONS of classes for all ages. Register FREE online. Come join our family! raindancestudio.com

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FOR MK: I get it. Sure, I guess we can just be friends. It’s fine. I’m just going to spend the weekend in my apartment guzzling whiskey with a loop of Starry Starry Night on my TV. I’ll be fine. Really. Yea, I’m Just Fine.  ~Vincent de Paul

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I’ll tell ya, Lu. It was a great party and everyone was getting along nice and having a good time — and then someone lets Andre in and all Hell breaks loose. Why you keep giving that guy chances is beyond me. Don’t bother to invite me if you know he’s coming around. – Melana

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Hi Everyone! We wanted to let you know that Maker Artisan Pizza on Germantown Avenue is under new management and is no longer part of the Founded Coffee & Pizza family. We wish the new team much success!  — Fahri Demirpence

View more:  MISSED CONNECTIONS OCTOBER 2019

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