JULY: O say can you see… the glisten of sweat 💦 and unspoken tension? July brings the sizzle 🔥— not just from the sun ☀️, but from a year’s worth of pent-up feels stewing in city streetscapes 🏙️. The full Buck Moon 🌕 rises on Thursday, July 10, marking the first full moon of summer! And it’s in Capricorn ♑️🐐, which brings a grounding force to the month’s usual chaos. July is also National Ice Cream Month 🍦as well as Anti-Boredom Month 🌀 (coincidence? we think not). Other timely calls to celebrate include World Kissing Day 🌎💋 (7/6), Embrace Your Geekness Day 🤓 (7/13), and Hammock Day 🛌 (7/22), a hat trick of vibes if there ever was one. Whether you’re catching feelings 💘 or just catching rays 🌈, keep those eyes open 👀 — summer’s got a way of heating up the heart. ❤️🔥 ❤️🔥 ❤️🔥
* * * * *
Snapshots on the #17 Bus: You had the fit, the fedora, and the vibe. I was the girl who asked for a selfie — couldn’t help myself, you were serving main character energy. The photo is so iconic, it had to be framed. If you see this, drop a line and tell me where to send your copy. It deserves a place of honor, tbh. ~ brbprinting
* * * * *
ATTN: Woodland Sprites! 🌿✨I know we’ve all been chilling in the Wissahickon since we were still on the turtle’s back, but the Schuylkill Center cordially invites us to Philly Fairy Fest on July 19th where we’ll be feted with food, drink, performances, and costumed guests honoring our many forms. 🍄🎭🌼11am – 3pm. Who’s going? Tix $10 -$15 (free for glimmerfolk, obvs) 🧚✨
* * * * *
Did anyone lose a baby hat today? 3600 Merrick. – Kimberly G 6/27/25 @EastFallsRants
* * * * *
East Falls Beer Garden is BACK! 🙌🍺💛 Now thru fall: every last Thurs under the Twin Bridges🐟🐟. (7/31 | 6 – 10PM).
Hey, Stranger! Lauren we had a great conversation despite having just met, about how the world today is a bore. You say nothing surprises you anymore? Challenge accepted. Dare you to reply to this potentially rut-busting plot twist. Stay tuned, Universe. ~ typed_this_twice
* * * * *
⌚🌃 Time for Another Stylish After-Hours Linkup 🖤 Location: private. Vibes: capital. Drama: non-existent. Curated for hotness and influence. Doors open 10pm. If you have to ask if there’s a cover, you can’t afford it. Invitation only, DM to apply. @LateNightPHL
* * * * *
My name is Bill and I was born and raised in East Falls, Philadelphia. I want to outfit YOUR local team or business with custom gear you will love, at a great price! 👉 Bnssi.com Please let me know what I can do for you. 📧 Billy.Lally87@gmail.com
* * * * *
🎣 Local Master Baiters! 🐟 🪱 We have minnows, red wiggles, wax and meal worms, plus power bail, tackle, rods & reels for all ages. O Dog’z 215 Bait and Tackle | 449 Roxborough Ave | 📞267-688-9024
* * * * *
An error doesn’t become a mistake until you refuse to correct it. – Orlando Aloysius Battista, Canadian-American chemist & author (1917-1995)
🚶🏽♂️a➡️ Walk This Way ⬅️🚶♂️Explore city parks with free weekly jaunts for everyone! 🌳👟 Learn more at @WeWalkPHL’s info zoom MON JUL 14 (5:30 – 6PM) Register for link at 👉 MyPhillyPark.org ✨
Brassicas Before Assicas! We met over kohlrabi at Rittenhouse Market. You leaned in close, gave off all the signals. But your shades were so big I couldn’t see all your face, and god forbid you’re an uggo. So if you see this (and you’re hot) hit me up with my tip on fig jam. 😋 ~ Mister Wister
* * * * *
Would anyone be interested in homemade banana bread and how much would you be willing to pay for the “magic” kind? How often? We have a great family recipe and a solid plan, just need to get something off the ground before Mom realizes what we’re doing. #MiddleChildGoals
* * * * *
Just moved here from Hyderabad in ‘22 and guess who’s coming to Oaks? Suma Kanakala! Grew up watching her on TV — a real QUEEN! Tickets start at $50 but I’m so homesick now I’d pay double. Iykyk 💃 To my dear andaru, please say hi to the wide-eyed curvy mama in my new blue georgette kurti! ~ Telugu Transplant 💙🌸✨
* * * * *
“People! People! People! You misheard me. I said take the skin off your peanuts.” – Abraham (1813 – 1638 B.C.E.) #dadjokes
* * * * *
My dog 🐶 wiggled out of his harness at the NW Philly Pack Walk 🐾 and went after the cutest little purebred ✨, who broke free of his leash and took off running toward Henry Ave 🚦. I don’t know who the guy was who expertly snatched them both before they hit traffic, but clearly not all heroes wear capes 🦸💖 Thank you!!! ~ Kibbles and Bitch 🦴💅
@YunkRemoval for Fast, Affordable Demo & Dumping. Clean-outs by the room, building, or property. Private/commercial. 267-275-6911 | Manayunk-based, serving Greater Philly incl. Bucks/Montco/Delco
* * * * *
My truth is that sometimes I feel priceless. Most of the time, I feel worthless. At this point, I’m willing to pay for the best things in life. Which are free, but whose true cost is universally unaffordable. Is there a layaway program I’m not aware of? Help a Material Girl out. ~ Final Clearance, No Returns 💅💔💳
* * * * *
A Tree-mendous Opportunity 🌳 Leaf your worries behind and branch out — this guided tree hike is oak-kay levels of exciting!! 🌿 From sweetgums to tulip poplars, you’ll be stumped by how much you didn’t know about our local green canopy. 🌳 It’s free (!!), and led by a certified tree-whisperer with roots in Philly. Don’t miss it — I woodn’t joke about something this trunkin’ amazing. Saplings and seasoned hikers welcome! SAT JUL 12 (10am) @MyPHillyPark
* * * * *
I opened up Instagram to see a picture of a little Palestinian baby who had starved to death and then the app refreshed itself to a photo from Jeff Bezos’ $55 million wedding and I don’t really know how to make sense of a world where these things are happening at the same time. #SOS
* * * * *
OK, Thomas. So what if I’m deluding myself with grandeur? Name me one person of historical greatness who did not start out with delusion. I’ll wait. Meanwhile check your smugness, and hold my beer. ~ Head Trip to Heaven 🪽💸💲
* * * * *
Philly Girl in Chester? Ravishing divorcee held court with the free-spirited gentlemen of Brookhaven Rotary Club one rainy summer evening at Harrah’s gastropub. Three of you have asked me out, but now I’ll only call back the first one who sees this. ~ Ms. Pai G. PS Bonus points if you remember why I was there.
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. – Anne Frank, Holocaust diarist (1929-1945)
* * * * *
I knew it was over when I asked him to count butterflies with me on a beautiful summer morning by the water. And he said no. Now every summer, along with the monarchs, fritillaries, and swallowtails at the Discovery Center, I count my lucky stars his negativity fluttered out of my life. 🦋👉 SAT JUL 26 (10 – 12). Free & fun for all ages.
* * * * *
🖤 Calling All Black-Owned Vendors & Food Trucks! 🖤 FDR Park’s new summer African American Market runs every Saturday, 10 AM–5 PM with food, music, and local culture through late summer. Still room for more Black-centered vendors, food trucks, artisans, healers, and pop-up shops to join the celebration. Interested? Swing by, reach out, or just show up ready to slay! @fo_fdrpark
* * * * *
If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like “Why am I always getting all this money?” #dadjokes
* * * * *
Angel On Board – I volunteer at Jeff ICU where your dad or uncle or whoever wasn’t doing so hot. Did you mean to hold my hand so long when I passed you the tissues? Something about your oddly specific interest in ventilators, too, makes me feel like we should have a cup of coffee. ~ DNRomantic
* * * * *
Magnet Fishers! Free paddle boat access at FDR 7/20. Ideal for testing discreet, collapsible rigs in shallow, trash-rich waters. High probability for coins/weapons/contraband. Meet at boathouse by 10am. Say nothing, act casual. 🧲👀 @MurkyIntentions
❓ IF YOU EVER feel heavy because you care deeply about injustice, suffering, and ecological destruction, remember that a trillion-dollar propaganda machine was built to make you numb and it didn’t work on you. Well done! 👍
* * * * *
Ocean Harbor Laowai — Everyone knows that’s a fake beard you’re always wearing. It’s almost always coming off when you chew your noodles, slopping through the sauce. God that thing must stink. Unless you have a whole beard wardrobe. Are you in the witness protection program or something? Don’t they teach you the fine art of disguise? Did you fail that class? I don’t get it. What’s your real name? 👀👀👀
* * * * *
Hello I’m Maiza Green, and I live Germantown. I wanted to reach out and introduce myself: I run a small cleaning business and am currently offering my services to local neighbors. Whether you need regular home cleanings, help with a one-time deep clean, or just want to free up some time, I’d be happy to help. I offer reliable, thorough, and affordable service. If interested, please reach out: 215-444-5860 or email Maiza.green@gmail.com I’d love the chance to share more of my skills, experience, and references. Thank you.
* * * * *
Dutch Eating Place at Reading Terminal. Your sick kicks broke the ice, but I’d like to think my conversational skills piqued your interest. Or, even better, my unconventional good looks.
* * * * *
As part of my no contest plea it is now on the city record that I stole people’s trashcans. But I’ll tell you what, every one of them was out on the curb with the trash. Hell, they was full of trash. How was I supposed to know it wasn’t fair game for collecting? What a racket. I ain’t paying no fine. Thank you for your attention to this matter! ~ Fat Junior (Winona)
* * * * *
Philly Naked Bike Ride Wants YOU!!! 🫵 Join the kickass team keeping 1,000 streaking cyclists safe in the city’s cheekiest celebration of body positivity. Front line, marshals, sweep and advanced positions available. Come out for @PhillyFullMoonRide July 11th and meet the crew. ⭐ PNBR 2025 is Saturday Aug 23rd🚲🍑🍈🍆🌈🥳
My genius boyfriend: maybe we could start dressing up as ICE agents and escorting people from their immigration hearings so it looks like they’ve already been detained but we just give them a ride home? 🤔💡✊
* * * * *
Hey about that baby hat on Merrick. To clarify, I found a hat for a baby, like, a baby’s hat. Not the juvenile offspring of a sexually mature fedora or something, ew. What is wrong with you people? – Kimberly G 6/28/25 @EastFallsRants
* * * * *
Passionyunk — We sat side by side at a South Philly fountain and talked about poetry, life, and living in the moment. I told you that I don’t write anymore, and yet here I am now, writing for you, hoping that even if we never talk again, maybe you’ll find this and use it in your art, and how nice that would be to have collaborated with you in making something new. ~ Unfinished PS I hope she’s not mad.
* * * * *
🌞🍓 Fun Fact: summer berries are so sweet to entice us to eat them so we disperse their undigestible seeds in our poop. 💩 Learn more at the Schuylkill Center’s Wineberry Hike & Harvest where guests will enjoy 3 ways to eat them and then take a sh*t in the Jubilee Grove (optional). $10 -$20 JUL 12 (11am)
* * * * *
I started a revival band. We’re called The Defibrillators. #dadjokes
* * * * *
We hope you have enjoyed this Month’s MISSED CONNECTIONS!
Reply to ads from Craig’s List by clicking on their sign-offs. Place your own listing in one of three ways: 1) comment below 2) text 215-498-8874 or 3) email DrKarl@nwlocalpaper.com. You may also respond to ads privately via text or email — please be as specific as possible so that Dr. Karl may properly assist. Thank you, my friend.
Click Here for Last Month’s Missed Connections! Curious where it all started? Browse the archives here (since 2017!)
Be the first to comment