Missed Connections: NOVEMBER 2023

NOVEMBER’s name basically means “nine” because ancient Romans didn’t re-name the months in their calendar after they added January and February in 712 BC. 🤷 November tends to be a somber month, cold and often cloudy. It’s also a dark month, literally — the sun sets an hour earlier after we turn the clocks back (this year on the 5th). Speaking of gloom, this November marks two grim anniversaries: 45 years since the Jonestown Massacre (19th), and 60 since JFK’s assassination (22nd). In perhaps better news, Lincoln gave the Gettysburg address 160 years ago this month (19th).

November zodiac: Scorpio (the scales). Birthstone: Topaz. Flower: Chrysanthemum. Symbol: Snake. 🌕This month’s full moon is Monday the 27th – it’s called the “Beaver Moon” and for 2023 it’s in Gemini, where it brings spontaneity.

According to folklore, ice in November means a rainy December; if you see summer flowers in bloom this month, brace for a bad winter; if trees are budding, spring won’t come till May. November is known for Thanksgiving, this year it’s on the 23rd.  Other holidays include Guy Fawkes Day (5th), Election Day (7th), Veterans Day (11th), World Peace Day (17th), and Small Business Saturday (25th). In all of Shakespeare’s works, he doesn’t mention November one single time.

Noteworthy birthdays:

Bruce Lee, Grace Kelly, Rock Hudson, Jimi Hendrix, Colin Kaepernick, Jason Kelce, Bo Jackson, Joe DiMaggio, David Ortiz, Rita Ora, Dorothy Dandridge, Tina Turner, Eve, SZA, Tyga, Future, Nelly, Yanni, Bjork, P.Diddy, RFK, JFK Jr, Caroline Kennedy, Marie Curie, Carl Sagan, Will Rogers, Roy Rogers, Batman, Kermit the Frog, Appe Jacks, Trivial Pursuit, barbed wire, traffic lights, the mason jar, the machine gun, the artificial heart, and the American Revolution.

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Wissahickon Wondering — To the cute girl in a fetching blue workout ensemble that I biked by the other Saturday, somewhere on the yellow trail (near Pachella Field): I couldn’t tell if you were recoiling from my smile or if a bug flew into your eye, or maybe something worse. I don’t know, I didn’t stop to check and now I keep replaying how you were flailing around and thinking maybe I shouldn’t have assumed it was about me. Hope you’re OK. ~ Mr. Hindsight

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Frankly Janice I have no idea why you’re still here. Beats me, I’ve given you more than enough reasons all these years. But somehow every morning when I wake up, you smile at me like it’s the most natural thing to be together. It’s not just unconditional love, it’s unavoidable. Which is even more beautiful and terrifying to me. Yours, Robert

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Never tell a little girl that when a boy is mean or rude to  her it’s because he has a crush on her. Don’t teach her (or him) that abuse is a sign of love.

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I have a civil engineering joke, but it’s still under construction. #DadJokes

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There has been extremely loud music coming from the apartment building at the corner of School House Lane and Pulaski for awhile now. I can hear it in my home a block down. I called 911 but they say I can’t file a noise complaint until after 10:30pm so I must can wait it out another 3 hours. I’ve lived here a long time, and it’s a quality of life issue!   ~ Nancy J.

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A fact is information minus emotion. An opinion is information plus experience. Ignorance is an opinion lacking information. And stupidity is an opinion that ignores fact. #RealityCheck

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🚲Bike East Fairmount – SUN  NOV 12:  8 miles, all levels, history and hidden gems with local expert. (1:30pm from Boathouse Row) myphillypark.org

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A Long Shot is Better Than No Shot! Yes it was chilly on that fishing pier, but I like to think you weren’t just being gallant to share your jacket. Your eyes were impossibly blue when you told me you are a cancer survivor. I start my treatment Monday. It would be wild if you saw this, and reached out. ~ Maggie

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Isn’t it wild, how Boomers really bought into the idea that if your kid isn’t acting the way you want, the problem is that you just weren’t mean enough, so the solution is just to keep getting meaner. Where does it stop?

HELPERS NEEDED  11/10 – 11/12: Give your neighborhood greenspace a hand this fall! Go to loveyourpark.org to connect with neighborhood Friends groups hosting clean-ups and yard work throughout the weekend.

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Cure Shirt at Depeche Mode!!! End of my row in the 100-level seats. We barely talked, I was heading out when we met — should’ve asked you to come along with us, I keep thinking about our quickie convo and wishing we had more time. ~ Funny Four-Eyes

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My boyfriend and I made a list of people we could cheat on each other with if we ever had the opportunity. He chose Margot Robbie, Charlize Theron, and Scarlett Johansson. I chose my daughter’s bio teacher, the barista at Starbucks, and his younger brother.  @MomJokes

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A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it. – Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

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Mom With Her Kids At Game 7: It was great meeting you! Sorry the Phils didn’t pull it out. We had fun though, didn’t we? Hope your morning wake-up wasn’t too rough. Let’s do that dinner soon! ~ Mark the Roofer PS don’t worry about my garage door, my bad for letting your 11 year old drive me home

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Billionaire” isn’t a qualification. It’s the description of a person who is hoarding more resources than they could possibly use in 100 lifetimes while other people are starving. It’s the name for a human dragon, sleeping on its pile of rubies and gold.

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Alice Cooper, David Arquette, Neve Campbell, Hayden Panettiere. What do they have in common? They’re headlining the Philly horror movie convention 11/10 – 12 at the Expo center. monstermania.net

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White Pickup Truck on Haverford Ave: I was late for work again so I was really weaving through traffic, pissing all the other drivers off but when I caught your eye in my rearview mirror, you had the most amused look on your face. I feel like I see you a lot on that road, but I never noticed how cute you are. Wanna be friends?  ~ E. the Jeep

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I’ve always suspected these “stargazing” parties at Lemon Hill are big hookup scenes, and now they’re literally advertising a BEAVER MOON SCOPE on Tuesday the 28th. Event description says it’s DOG FRIENDLY, too — disgusting!  See for yourself, starts at 6:30PM. Myphillypark.org

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If your kids are old enough to learn about a 12 year old virgin getting pregnant while engaged to a 30 year old carpenter, they’re old enough to hear that Josh has 2 moms. #RealityCheck

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Keepin’ it Classy! We shared a cab from the Phila Airport in mid October, after chatting at the bar and finding out we lived in the same neighborhood. So now the other day I’m checking all my adultery sites and there’s your face! Great pics, btw, I sent you a bunch of messages but looks like your account hasn’t been active in awhile. I hope you see this, because you are a real cut above the usual skanks I pick up when I travel!  ~ Fingers Crossed

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🥇🐕 BEST IN SHOW 🐩🏆 Every Thanksgiving, NBC broadcasts the National Dog Show – which is recorded a week earlier, right here in Philly, a city of underDOGS, get it? #ItsIronic Phillyexpocenter.com

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art. -Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)

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For Thom and Frank (Queen Village): Hey guys, it’s A! Back in the day, you were the coolest couple to hang with. Can’t believe it’s been 10 years! I feel like I owe you one for not ratting me out when my wife (now ex) was looking for evidence. Sorry about that, would love to make it up to you both. ~ Buddy

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FREE Kindergarten Fair (11/12, 2-4pm) – Parents and neighbors invited to learn about NW Philly school options from public, charter, and private school representatives. Big Backyard Nursery School, 240 E. Gowen Ave, 19119

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Star-Crossed! The psychic on Spruce St told me the man I am destined for is right here in Philly, and it’s just a matter of time before we find each other. You might be him so here’s what to look for: jeans, sneakers, glasses. Dark jacket, stocky build. You’re quiet and keep to yourself. You work with your hands, probably a night job. In your spare time, you enjoy true crime stories about this one local serial killer who hasn’t been caught yet. Hoping Fate sees this, and connects us soon. ~ Mrs. You

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I don’t know who needs to hear this but there are three branches of government and not one of them is the Bible. #themoreyouknow

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Footsteps of the First People: honor Indigenous History this month with a peaceful hike and meditation guided by Fairmount Park’s Lenape nature-healer. NOV 4 (9AM – 11AM). @myphillypark.org

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Meddling with Love – Hello my son is a nerdy gamer with no social life, and at this rate I will never have grandchildren as he is almost 30. I need a nice young lady who can help me get him out of the house. No funny business! Also you can’t ever tell him I’m paying you. He’s smart, he has a job, he’s not a weirdo he just has anxiety or something. He doesn’t drive so you need a car.  ~ Lonnie in the suburbs

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Introducing…. Trolley Trail! This new, soft-surface, multi-purpose, 4-mile loop explores a hidden, scenic trolley network once operated by Fairmount Park. Ribbon cutting SUN NOV 5 (10am), followed by a guided tour at 12:30pm. Another tour the next weekend (SUN NOV 12) departs at 10am. Myphillypark.org

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Math Tutor You Can Count On: Cindy Ann provides in-person instruction for students of all levels. mumtutorsmath.com 215-385-3368

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Get ready, Wayne, the Mega Treasure Market’s coming back to the Expo Center! I’m finally clearing out that closet of Old Gus’s fake teeth and vintage medical devices. Let’s sell on Friday then come back Sat or Sun to shop.

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Give a man a fish… just give him the fish, asshole. He’s hungry, you have extra fish. He doesn’t have time for your shitty fishing school. Hand it over, I’m gonna count to 3.  #FuckCapitalism

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🌟SHINY & BRIGHT🌟 If Christmas Village is too authentic for you, LuninoCity Holiday Lights at Philly Expo Center is a similarly immersive wonderland of seasonal sights, sounds, and shopping. Sure it’s a drive but the parking is free!  11/17 – 1/15

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I’d rather live next door to someone who crossed a desert to become an American than an American who wouldn’t cross the street to help a foreigner.

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SIGNS OF A HIGH VIBE PERSON: Animals love you, people look when you enter a room, randos stop to tell you their life’s story, and toxic people seem to come out of the woodwork to try to quash your spirit (they always fail). 🙌🔥❤️

We hope you have enjoyed this Month’s MISSED CONNECTIONS!

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About Karl Von Lichtenhollen 65 Articles
Dr. Karl Von Lichtenhollen is a doctor and fellow of the Applied Knowledges at Blödsinn Universität in Munich, Germany (1973). He was born and raised in the Nether Regions area of Holland, near Tainte, which he refers to fondly as a "Dutch Wonderland." Dr. Lichtenhollen once shared a houseboat in Amsterdam with the cast of a geriatric production of HAIR, inspiring his famous essay, "That Which I Cannot Unsee." He is a three-time recipient of the "Iron Feather" award. His hobbies include ascots, Highland wool sweaters and his pipe. He has a cat.

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