Ripped from the heavens and pulled from gutters, then dashed amongst the stars; these are the majestic meanderings of Philadelphians in love, labor, leisure, and loathing. Buckle up, Philly.
MAY — Named after the Greek goddess Maia, the month of May brings warmer temps, blooming flowers, and the fresh beginnings of summer: a time of birth, growth, and renewal. May’s full moon is called the Flower Moon, this year it appears on the 5th and it’s in Scorpio, so expect some surprises in personal relationships as well as the public stage.
Flower: lily of the valley. Gemstone: emerald. Symbol: the hawthorn tree (represents fertility in May Day rituals). In folklore, May is often associated with magical beings and practices, such as fairies and Maypoles. May is also National Bike Month, National BBQ Month, and Women’s Health Care Month. May 1st is International Workers’ Day, celebrated with rallies, parades, and demonstrations honoring the contributions of laborers and working classes around the world. This year, Mother’s Day is May 14th and Memorial Day is the 29th.
JFK, Malcolm X, Mr. T, Andre the Giant, André 3000, Salvador Dali, Machiavelli, Robespierre, Plato, Bono, Biggie, Cher, Enya, Liberace, Stevie Wonder, Miles Davis, Robert Johnson, James Brown, Patti LaBelle, Janet Jackson, Lauryn Hill, Meek Mill, Lenny Kravitz, Grace Jones, Pam Grier, Naomi Campbell, Bea Arthur, Evita Peron, Florence Nightingale, Audrey Hepburn, Katharine Hepburn, Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Fred Astaire, Jim Thorpe, John Wayne, Danny Trejo, Joe Lewis, Sonny Liston, Sugar Ray Leonard, Sugar Ray Robinson, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Walt Whitman, Busta Rhymes, Barbie, blue jeans, penicillin, and the artificial heart.
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Was That You? Reading Terminal – Thought I saw you in our seat at the Dutch Place but the crowd was too thick and I guess if I cared more I would’ve made the effort to find out instead of turning tail with my bag of warm donuts. But now I’ll never know. Will I? PS I’m exactly where you left me. #LunchLovers
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Pop Culture Fans! Contropolis brings stars of stage, screen, wrestling, and comic books to the Greater Phila Expo Center MAY 5, 6 & 7. Celebrity meet & greets plus shopping, collectibles and an epic cosplay costume contest. Tix $25+ (muti-day packages available) contropolispa.com
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Dancing in the Dark — Do you remember that night I smashed the window, took the mannequin, and waltzed up and down the street with it until the cops came? I don’t, I was high as a kite! Looking for neighbors who can help me piece some memories together (and maybe find my car). Call Todd on Berkley.
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🙌🎉🤸🎶🤩 JOY FEST! It’s an East Falls thing! A full day of yoga, music, food, book club and more! Inspired by the documentary Mission: Joy and life of Faller Club’s co-founder, Ryan Buchert. SUN MAY 21 (10am – until?) 3721 Midvale Ave *FREE* eastfalls.com All Welcome
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You can only protect your liberties in this world by protecting the other man’s freedom. You can only be free if I am free. -Clarence Darrow, lawyer and author (18 Apr 1857-1938)
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TO: Damsel Driver in Distress. FROM: Your Prince of Parallel Parking. 4/15, Vine St. You were having the hardest time backing into your space, I could see you were getting frustrated and was very glad when you allowed me, a passing stranger, to take the wheel. I know it’s a long shot but I hope you see this: clean your car, it’s filthy. We almost had a moment and then, yuck. What a waste. #sorry
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Yo if you have a truck with novelty balls hanging from your hitch – and your truck wasn’t born with balls, so it’s an elective process – you have, in fact, a trans truck. Congratulations. 🤣🤣🤣
WANTED: Dime Mules We gotta move about a zillion dimes, pronto. Help us fence all these damn coins into useable cash. Candy stores, Coinstars, banks, lemonade stands, you name it. We’ll give you 20%. Show up on time. Get paid. Ask for Mugsy (NE Philly)
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🧺🍅 🫐 🥩 💐🎁 East Falls Farmers Market, new hours starting May 6th: 10AM – 1PM. Saturdays. Under the Twin Bridges, right off the bike path on Kelly Drive.
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Walnut St Workout – Flaming red hair, dusky olive yoga shorts, you appeared to me like a brilliant sunset over desert dunes. Perfection. ~ Caffeinated Admirer
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ROXBOROUGH RESOURCE FAIR: Celebrate Mental Health Awareness Month with a family fun day at The Block Church on Henry Ave (by Saul). Free snacks, giveaways, activities, screenings, info – including youth summer camps and jobs for teens. SAT MAY 13 (11am – 2pm) All welcome.
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I’m so tired of hearing that a traditional family is the only kind of family that counts. Bullshit! A family can be two parents and their kids, or it can be a group of friends that love each other through thick and thin. It can be a childless couple, or one woman that is followed around by a mysterious flock of blackbirds. Your family is valid! #diversity
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Your mirrored shades cast prisms of light around room as you moved your head from your phone to the plate of profiterole you were hoovering up with impressive gusto for a person so clearly hungover. My hero! You forgot to tip but left your Balenciaga slides so it’s cool. Thank you come again! ~ Amy
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You’ve got to have something to eat and a little love in your life before you can hold still for any damn body’s sermon on how to behave. -Billie Holiday, jazz singer and songwriter (7 Apr 1915-1959)
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I was arrested was just when and where we met. Sure, you were the one who called the cops on me. Can’t blame you. I was just in a celebratory mood. I’m exuberant, you see. Please don’t let that dissuade you from engaging me in a love affair for the ages!
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FREE CAMPING! Volunteer position available for Bigfoot research project this summer in local woodlands. Must have strong work ethic and basic survival skills. Experience in video/photography preferred but not required. Training & transportation provided. Contact Jeff at Human-Bait.com
This is weird, last night someone stole the cast iron gate to our driveway. They took my neighbor’s gate too, which was similar. They were both really old, I have no idea how to replace it and also – is this a thing? Who steals bent-up rusty cast iron? What for? ~ Alla in Germantown
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Friends: the Bible and the Quran both teach us to love one another. The Kama Sutra is a little more specific. 🤣 #dadjokes
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Excuse me I was verbally accosted by this group of Millennial Falcons in broad daylight in front of several tour buses, apparently full of Star Wars fans. Why so reactive? Open your minds to the Final Frontier (we have a good time too). ~Spock
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🪘🎷🎶 JAZZ JAWNS — a live music workshop for families at Ubuntu Fine Art gallery. May 12 (6 – 7PM) Hosted by Musiqology *FREE* Experience the magic of jazz together! 5423 Germantown Ave.
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Speed Demon in the aisles of the Grey’s Ferry Fresh Grocer, damn near ran me down with your cart. I can still hear the peals of your infuriating laughter. Good thing you’re so cute. I hope you weren’t just playing when you asked for my number. #StillWaiting
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Kung Fu Mindset: Strong Body – Balanced Mind – Fearless Heart (June 18 – 24) A unique one-week summer program for the whole family. ModernZenWarrior.com
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Elon Musk and Ben Shapiro are both very concerned that an AI chatbot can’t be bullied into saying the n-word, and I think that’s a perfect encapsulation of where conservativism is today. #gross
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This is for the nice gentleman with no teeth that I met at the dentist’s office in Roxborough. I’m the woman with the numb face, drooling out the side of her mouth the whole time we talked. Sorry! I didn’t realize it was so bad until I got home and wrung out my sweater. Dealbreaker? ~ Cathy PS also why were you at the dentist if you don’t have teeth?
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🦎🐢🐍 DID YOU KNOW…? 90% of wild-caught reptiles die within 1 year as a pet. 😢 Keep this in mind before you attend the big Reptile Expo May 13th. Still, snakes and lizards are pretty neat, and admission is just $10. Eastcoastreptilesuperexpo.com #lookbutdontbuy
Diversity is being invited to the party; inclusion is being asked to dance. -Verna Myers, author and speaker (b. 5 Apr 1960)
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Turn It On! Let LEW’s Electric power you up, residential and commercial, no job too big or small. Licensed & insured, serving NW Philly for 2+ years. Call Lorenzo 215-681-7706.
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A petition for two Mother’s Days: one to celebrate and honor mothers and another where everyone shuts up and leaves us alone for the day. ~ Mean Mommie
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🍽️ Who’s Hungry? Reach out to NorthWestMutualAidCollective.org, they can help (and even deliver).
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Hello I’m looking for an old friend from West Philly. Her name is Beverly (I called her Bev). She lived around 43rd and Chester, used to train dogs in Clark Park. Those were wild days, rowdy days, days that’d end up at the old Track and Turf, watching movies and messing around til dawn. Help me find her. ~ Flashback Phil
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🙌🌇🌕 Sunset Yoga in East Falls on the rooftop of Falls Center. May 3 (6 – 9 pm). Silent Disco, Elixir Bar and Full Moon South Bath included!!! MishanaYoga.com
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Hey Ms C!!! There is no forgetting about you. Watch your intrusive ways. I will come at you like a wrecking ball. Swish, swish, bee! ~ Pennypack Princess
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Call Paula for Professional Cleaning & Organizing. Exceptional service, affordable rates. References available. 267-982-3670 (call/text) @PaulasCleaningServices
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Whoever called @Moms4Liberty “Klanned Karenhood” deserves a case of Bud Light and tickets to Disney World. 🤣🤣🤣#readbannedbooks
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Right on Time — Been a couple of years but it sure was nice running into you at Scott’s game. I always expected it’d be awkward but it felt like only yesterday. And now what I thought was a butt-dial is actually a rabbit hole. ~ Alice #DrinkMe
Food Certification, quick and easy. Register now for ServSafe class May 20th, Mt Airy Axis, 520 Carpenter Lane. 267-266-3025
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Hold up, another nerd convention? Oh yeah it’s Thy Geekdom Con 2023 – a weekend of Anime, Gaming, and Pop Culture MAY 26 -28 at Oaks Expo Center. Vendors, panels, tournaments. Costume contest and masquerade. Tix $15+ thygeekdomcon.com
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The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a lawmaker with a spine. #truth
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Sasha at Temple U — We met at Panera Bread one Sunday night n 2021. April, I believe. You were so smart and studious, so ambitious back then. I on the other hand was an idiot. Allow me to count the ways! I’d love to reconnect and at least apologize. ~ Jim
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Rawk U School of Music – because learning to play an instrument is the investment of a lifetime! Lessons for kids 7+ (adults too) 215-844-7295 rawku.com
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Huge Parent & Youth Resource Fair at the PA Convention Center SAT MAY 6 (11am – 3pm). Free opportunities: activities, employment, mental health, tutoring, college prep, job training, more. Dozens of vendors to help your child thrive this summer and beyond. Phila.gov
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Curtains for Zoosha? K-smog and Blart Boi caught flipping a grunt! (This is what celebrity news sounds like if you’re over 50). #makeitstop
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How u gonna be on the wrong side of history while its repeating itself? Like bro ur failing an open book test. @_hiphoptalk
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SMILE! 😊 Happy Face Café has ice cream, water ice, Belgian waffles and Gelato. 5302 Wayne Ave. 🍧🍨🍦
You think you’re cool, but are you Goth Lauren cool? Find out at Murphy’s Irish Saloon in East Falls SAT MAY 13, 6pm until…? Bring cash and something witchy. Anything is possible. ~ Badgered PS It will please them greatly if you first donate to Project M.E.O.W.
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White Pickup, Black Lab – well hey there fella, we nod hello almost every weekday when I walk by on my way to work. You live a few blocks up from me in Fairmount, and we both park in the same lot. My hair is dark and super short. I love trucks and dogs as much as I do meeting new people. How do you do? ~ Miss Prim
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Mike Tuffy for Quality Painting – Residential and Commercial. 267-777-1050, MikesQualityPaintingService@gmail.com Licensed & BBB-rated.
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Mystery Shopper – I found your shopping list in my cart, and your bananas I think. Waited around but when you didn’t show up I went ahead and followed your list, filling my cart with stuff I’d normally never buy: vegan cheese, fake meat, houseplant fertilizer, tampons. Taking a chance, whoever you are, reach out! I have your groceries. ~ Acme Andy
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BUY SELL TRADE the most sought-after sneakers, vintage threads, sports memorabilia in the world. Host: Garden State Pusher. Music: DJ Drumatic. SUN MAY 28 (12pm – 5pm), Gr Phila Expo Center. Tix $25 JusNiceSneakerConvention.com
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My name is Morena and I have 15+ years of cleaning experience: home, office, basement, businesses. I take great pride in customer satisfaction. Free quote, no obligation. 30% off your first cleaning! 862-215-7191.
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The Venn diagram of dudes who think women shouldn’t have sex if they don’t want a baby and dudes who don’t understand why women don’t want to sleep with them is a circle. #Girljokes
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Frank! I was sifting through a pile of topless Sam Elliott glossies, when I suddenly thought, “Why am I scouring these photos in search of the perfect hairy chest and mustache when I could just call Frank?” But your number’s disconnected but I know you read free papers on the toilet so HELLO!! When you see this, call Linda. Your favorite ladyscape awaits!
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You said “Scissors”, I meant “Caesar’s”. Let’s call the whole thing off. – Ella F.
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HELP WANTED: Election Day workers to advocate for Democratic candidates at polling locations. $250 for the day. To apply, complete this short form.
We hope you have enjoyed this Month’s MISSED CONNECTIONS!
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