SEPTEMBER breezes in with a hint of autumn in the air, bringing crisp mornings, the first flutter of leaves, and the return of pumpkin-spiced everything. It’s back-to-school season, but also the month to celebrate the end of summer’s harvest with juicy apples and cider doughnuts. 🍎☕ September is Classical Music Month, a good excuse to add a little Bach or Beethoven to your playlists for extra drama while you tackle that to-do list.
This month’s Full Moon is the 🌕🍂 Super Harvest Blood Moon (!) on the 17th, the perfect time to gather and reflect. It’ll be in Pisces, bringing heightened emotions and creativity. The Autumnal Equinox coincides this year with Hobbit Day on the 22nd – celebrate the season’s passage with a Second Breakfast. 😋 Avast, ye! International Talk Like a Pirate Day kicks off with a hearty “Arrr!” on the 19th, filling homes and workplaces with the slang of scallywags (and a hearty sea shanty or two).
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I’m sure the people who do this aren’t on here but for the guys who keep peeing out in the parking lot off Logan St — I can see you from my office! I’ve seen way more of y’alls bodies than I care to🙈 I’m going to start taking pics while you have your drawers down! I’ll post them around the neighborhood if you don’t at the very least try to be more discreet 😂 I mean, there’s like full bushes out there you could use. I’m not even asking that you go find a bathroom, I’m just tired of looking up from my desk and seeing stuff I can’t unsee. ~ Diana B, Living In Germantown
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Fairmount After Dark! Who’s up for starry eyed surprises on a moonlit trail with me and a dozen other lunatics? Meet us a Lemon Hill for a two mile night hike with a high-powered telescope. @MyPhillyPark
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If you’re pro-life and are on birth control, you’re actually pro-choice. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. #facts #PROJ2025
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🍞🍝🍪 Gluten got ya tootin? 😶🌫️ There’s an expo for that! Indulge in a wonderland of formerly forbidden foods, reimagined without wheaty irritants. So much to eat! Folks pig out and fill coolers to take home. Chefs, vendors, workshops, too. SEPT 7 (10am – 4pm) Oaks Expo Center, @wickedglutenfree
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*FREE* Neighbor Night at the Schuylkill Center – All welcome for an evening of drinks, light bites, and behind-the-scenes peeks at special projects at this beautiful 365-acre nature preserve in NW Philly. WEDS SEPT 18 (5:30PM – 7:30PM) schulkillcenter.org
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New job, new commute. Same old SEPTA fantasies. I can’t be the only one who fixates on a friendly face to fall in love with, a little more each ride we take together into the city (and back). No idea who you are, but in my head we can’t keep our hands off each other. Hope you’ll see this & give me a sign. #WawaStation
🚫✊⛩️The Sixers Are Stupid! No Arena in Chinatown!!!! Please join our rally against the bloated billionaire tax dodge threatening to destroy one of Philly’s most vibrant and cherished cultural hubs. Meet 1PM at City Hall on Saturday, September 7 to help turn up public pressure to protect this historic immigrant neighborhood. @nacsphilly
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Takes a lot of chutzpah to wear a three-piece suit to PNBR 🙄. You looked really hot and uncomfortable, too, so congratulations. It’s not easy to be smug and desperate for attention at the same time. Nailed it! ~ Pixie in Pink
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An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy. -Spanish proverb
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I drove your Uber when you rode with your family to the airport, who was headed back to St. Louis after a fun visit where you showed them around town. I loved hearing all you did, except when you took them to Dalessandro’s. 🤮🤮🤮 #DoBetter
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🪴Botany Plants Lately..? Schuylkill Center is opening their greenhouse for just one day to honor the autumnal equinox with a very special native plant sale. Experts on-hand to advise you on the perfect options. Sept 21st (10am – 2pm), 8480 Hagy’s Mill Rd
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Big thanks to the nice cop whose strong arms steadied me at the Navy Yard’s last blood drive. In the land or on the sea, let me put your mind at ease (as they say). ⚓🎶🎶🎶 ~ Saylor St. Vincian
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👀👀👀 If you’ve never seen extreme dwarf wresting before, it’s certainly….something.😬 The Baddest Lil Show hits the PA Convention Center Sat Sept 21, with itty bitty grapplers and giant feats of athleticism + showmanship. Tix $25 – $40 @dwarfanators (you know you’re curious).
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This is for Amy, the girl I met salsa dancing at FDR Park’s boathouse this summer. There’s another free salsa/bachata social on Friday Sept 27th, I’ll be there – will you? Elotes and pupusas on me! Fun starts at 7:30pm. @djvalentinflores
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Love or Arson? We shared a kiss that could ignite an inferno (or at least a decent campfire). Turns out, it was all a smoke screen. I felt like such an ash! But soot yourself, I won’t be burned again. ~ Charred on Chelten
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Volunteers Needed! Art lovers are invited help facilitate the Fall Fine Craft Fair at Oaks Expo Center. Lots of opportunities: set-up, parking, tickets, booth sitters, loading dock. Free admission and other perks. Good people! Fri/Sat/Sun Sept 27, 28, 29. Signup at pacrafts.org
So long as men worship the Caesars and Napoleons, Caesars and Napoleons will duly rise and make them miserable. -Aldous Huxley, British novelist (1894-1963)
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Raven-haired Beauty at Reading Terminal: From across the Pickle Patch, you flashed me a mega-watt smile that took my breath away, and stopped me in my tracks. If you see this, for the love of god, BACK OFF the whitening strips. Teeth aren’t supposed to phosphoresce, sorry if no one’s told you this. ~ Brent C.
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Special Delivery on Frankford Ave. To Judy D, the loveliest postal worker a guy could ask for. You bring me my mail every day, now I guess you could say I have a package for you. Meet me for music bingo at the Nut Hut (wear your uniform!). – Jon in the Lofts
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Roxborough: You were trying to walk a Rottie puppy that was flipping out over its own reflection in a store window one morning during rush hour. We shared a laugh as we waited for the light to turn green, on our way to put down our senior Dalmatian resting in the back seat of our car. It felt like a good omen, on a very sad day. Thanks. ~ The Millers
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Is it me or should Community Fridges have names so people can be like “I’ll pick up some extra apples for Brad…” or “On Fridays I like to stop in on Gloria, see if she needs anything.” PS pretty sure the one on Armat’s name is “Coolio.” #FridgeFan #Food4All
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To the guy with the swollen testicles at PNBR, I just took your number to be polite, I have zero intentions of following up for my ice pack. Go ahead and keep it, I do NOT want it back. We’re good! ~ Glitter Gurrl
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📽️🍿Free Screening: 42 Years For Nothing This riveting new documentary from an award-winning Philly filmmaker tells the story of a man wrongly convicted and imprisoned 42 years for violent crimes he didn’t commit. All welcome for a free presentation at the Convention Center’s Nutter Theater + Q&A with cast & director SAT SEPT 28 (show starts promptly at 7pm) Register @eventbrite
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You said I was just asking for it. Then you gave it to me. Now you want it back? Better watch what you wish for, you might get it. And then what would we do? Figure it out before you call me again, please. ~ Uncommitted (for now)
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🧑⚕️🩺Stay Well with WeCare Health + Resource Fair, Monday Sept 19 (10am – 2pm). Services, information, and assistance. All welcome. 134 W. Chelten Ave (Germantown)
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Aldi Cashier (Blvd) — This a long shot. I was shopping Aug 18th around 1030 am. My cashier’s nametag said “Danielle.” I was the ONLY one you told about the survey, and there were a bunch of people ahead of me in line, and you never told them. You even said you hoped I win! Were you flirting with me? No one ever talks to me but I really liked it. If you see this, thanks. ~ Rudi
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“Childless woman” is such a 19th-century-ass insult. What else ya got? Do I render inferior tallow? Do my cabbages grow pale and blemished? Does the quality of my sock-darning bring shame upon my father’s name? #GetOverYourselves
Gloria, I know you’ve been sick over missing the Quilt Show last year. Good news, it’s back! Sept 12 – 15, I got us tix already, let’s bring mom’s quilt for appraisal and sign up for Pat Yamin’s lecture. Do you need a scooter? Hope you see this, we need to plan! Quiltfest.com
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Why are things so expensive? Four companies provide 85% of our meat, Four airlines control 80% of air travel, Three companies make up 92% of our soda market, and another three produce 73% of our cereal market. Why don’t we hear about this? Six companies control 90% of the news. #monopoly
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Blonde gate attendant at The Mann 8/29 (Fairmount Park) — You were the tall thin girl with a septum ring, leaning against the post as I was leaving the Tedeski Trucks Band‘s mid-week show. You grinned and mouthed “good night” to me as we passed through the gate, fully aware I was checking you out (and defiantly egging me on). Damn I should’ve gotten your number! If you see this, let’s go. ~ D’Gary
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When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. -Jimi Hendrix, American musician (1942-1970)
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Door Dash on Delancy – You answered the door in a towel and then stood there, asking if I wanted a tip. 😲 But the porno soundtrack in my head was too loud for me to get the right words out. I just handed you your curry and dipped. 🤦Heads up, fellow food deliverers – they might still be hungry! ~ Honda Tom
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Macy, who says I never come up with fun stuff to do? If you give me another chance, I’ve got the perfect plan: a dine-as-you-go food and drink fest with Jose Garces. It’s off the SRT/Perkiomen, so we can bike there. And it raises money for a good cause, which I know you’ll like. How about it? I know you read these, I hope you get back. It’s Sept 14th (a Saturday). ~ Chad @Bite4theFight
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Sweetie Darling, I’d really rather you do as I say, and not go round and say what I do. If you don’t mind. Also please pick up some champers, we’re almost out. Kiss. ~ Gran and the gang
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Incubus Show (Wells Fargo, Section 102): Tall redhead about two rows in front of me with 3 of your gfs, you were all holding your white claws like a fucking trophy, singing and dancing to every banger like a bunch of teenagers when clearly that was a long time ago for you. Way to go, but hey maybe try not blocking everyone’s view, and not screaming in our faces? I wish I’d told you to sit your asses down. ~ Just Sayin
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GenX grew up in an all-print world. We read really fast. So to all our Millennial and GenZ friends, for the love of Bananarama please just always send us the article and not the TikTok of the dude talking about the article. By the way, you shouldn’t be trusting these randos to explain shit to you, anyway. What if they’re lying? @MediaBiasFactCheck
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Buckaroo Seeks Shakespeare’s Sister (Fairmount) Saw you at the Monster Jam Glow Party (8/24). You were with a skinny mullet man who constantly reminded everyone he is a red-blooded American. I rocked a nose bandage and irregular sweatpants. Thought I’d get your attention with my rogue horse joke but maybe I went too far? If you’re in for floaty wings, potato water, and the works of Fred Savage, tell me the first ska band that pops in your head. ~ Yahoo Serious
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One good thing about getting older is that every day, I’m getting a better and better idea of what my corpse will look like. So that’s fun. ~ Your Morbid Uncle
Look: in our two-party system, it’s vital for both parties to have worthwhile policies to promote, because debating real issues fairly and in good faith tends to create better policies that can serve even more people than either party may have imagined they could. We all lose when politics stoops to cheating, lying, violence, smear tactics, etc. Thank you to all my Republican brothers and sisters who can answer the call this election, and help shut down their party’s misguided MAGA minority once and for all. Let’s rebuild. #USA ❤️🤍💙
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⚠️Warning: I answered one of these ads and was abducted by a group of mines who did unspeakable things to me! #dadjokes
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🪵🪓I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK! Bust out your best flannel for National Lumberjack Day, and the area’s first Lumberjack Lounge! Featuring drinks, snacks, and a fireside chat around a cozy chainsaw wood-carving demo. Thurs, September 26th ($10 -$20) @schuylkillcenter
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I blocked someone for correcting my grammar. There not happy. #dadjokes
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FREE Fairmount Harvest Fest: Welcome fall with a fun-filled weekend at Welsh Fountain in West Fairmount. Hay maze, face painting, pumpkin decorating and more. Fri Sept 20 (6pm – 10:30pm) & Sat, Sept 21 (11am – 3pm). Register @MyPhillyPark
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Oh hey Judy it’s Jon in the Lofts again. What I said earlier came out all wrong — the package I was referring to is the kitten I finally caught! I think she will recognize your uniform, which is why I said you should wear it. Sorry!
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Missed my connection to Berlin from the Philadelphia airport, but made a better one in Vino Volo’s weekday bartender, a self-described STEM nerd oozing with charm. The way you described sub-atomic fundamentals held me spellbound. Orbiting and colliding, attracting and repelling, oh my! I’ll be back for BioTechX, lemme know if you want in (I know a guy). ~ The Guy
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Broken Wind, Broken Dreams
A first date jaunt, my nerves were high
I hoped to charm, to catch your eye.
But as I laughed and sipped my beer
My butt betrayed me – oh my dear!
A tiny toot, it slipped away
A mortifying price to pay.
I blushed, I gasped, “Excuse me, please,”
(How nature calls with such cruel ease!)
You eyed me up like I was crude
But hey, it’s normal – sorry, dude!
If you can’t handle one small slip,
Perhaps we’re not a proper fit.
And so it goes: your loss, my friend.
If my windy ass must be our end.
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I really like that we have shifted from “when they go lo, we go high” to “fuck these weird freaks.” #weirdaf
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